Cure for Spiritual Apathy?

Hi friends.  I've missed you.  If you are as busy as I am, I doubt you have noticed a lack of posts from me of late.  However, summer has finally begun and even though I continue to have a gargantuan "to do" list, the schedule is much more flexible.  I hope you are able to catch your breath, too.

Wonder if there is a "Super Buddhist #3" around the corner....

Why else have I not been writing?  I won't blame it on this full, wonderful, messy, ridiculous, blessed life I have.  There is something else going on as well.  The monkey on my back, that I have been restraining and ignoring, is this spiritual apathy I have right now.

Despite the fact that my spiritual instruments probably look like this.....

Surprisingly, I do not feel lost.  And, I don't feel separated from God.  I feel God's love in amazing and profound ways, but my spirit is suffering from a lack of gumption to move forward.

I've examined my heart and I find that this does not mean that I don't love God.  I do love God and I feel connected to God and I also feel that God is loving me right back -- fiercely even.  I also do not feel this place I am in signifies a loss of progress I've made within my spirit.

I love this quote -- this is my mantra right now:

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer." 

- Rainer Maria Rilke ‘Letters to a Young Poet’ (1934)

A few years ago, I found myself traveling down an exciting and fulfilling spiritual path.  Then, I felt God's hand move through my life, and encourage me to slow down, do some other work and smell some roses.  When I looked up from this fragrant and riveting experience, I saw so many different inviting directions, I had to sit down and contemplate which one to take.

This leads me to where I am now -- I can't seem to find the motivation to choose a direction.

I remember other times of letting my heart wait for God.  I get that it is all about faith and I feel that God actually appreciates this understanding.  But....I get caught up in so many things.  This is no one's "fault" but my own.  Actually, I don't even want to use a negative term like "fault."  I am surprisingly forgiving of myself with this and I hope you would be -- will be -- too, if you are ever here.

I have spent so much of my time and energy focused on my family of late, I have put myself aside more than a little bit, but don't ALL parents do this?  Have I put what God wants for me aside, too?

What is my next step?

I am thankful for this time to contemplate where I need to go and what I need to do to learn what God desires for me to learn.  These are times when we gain important knowledge about ourselves and about the world we are hopefully here to make better.  

I have faith in You, God, that this veil of apathy will be lifted so that I will see the sign I am too human to see right now.

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." - John 8:32