Soul Flung Open

Andromeda Over Dallas

2012-01-21T16:51:00.000-08:00

Last night I came out of the gym into a dark evening with a famished and tired Keira. It was only seven, but the winter sky was darker than usual due to a new moon. A man walked over to us in the parking lot and asked if we wanted to see the Andromeda Galaxy. Hunger forgotten, we exclaimed an exuberant, "Yes!"

Turned out he was the dad of another kid on Keira's gymnastics team. He walked us into the nearby park and up to a telescope that looked like field equipment for NASA. In fact, he referred to it as the "Porsche" of telescopes and spoke of choosing it over a gold watch as he reached a milestone in his company.

We followed his instructions and looked in to see a delicate blue cloud. My time at the telescope did not last long but the image of what I saw has stayed with me all day. My brain almost hurts thinking about a universe that seemingly goes on forever and the God who created it. How could you love something so big?

"Would you like to see Jupiter, too?" the man said. With a few entries into a computer, and some minor adjustments, we poked our eye over the viewfinder again. Muted Easter egg-colored Jupiter showed off her stripes, diagonally placed across her body. The storm was there, too, only it looked dark beige, not red. The man spoke of storms traveling so quickly around Jupiter you could see them move across and back around within hours.

Surely God must love us very much, to make a place for tiny us in the vast universe and to allow us to see and seek this beautiful creation that is space.

"For small creatures such as we, the vastness is bearable only through love." - Carl Sagan

Looking for a Women's Bible Study to start the New Year? Look no further -- right here in DALLAS!

2012-01-06T07:48:00.000-08:00

Zuzu's Petals BRAND NEW Study Begins!!!

We start up next week - January 10, 2012

Greenland Hills United Methodist Church

5835 Penrose, Dallas, TX 75206
TWO TIMES ON TUESDAYS!!! - 9:30-11 am OR 7:30-9 pm

Please join us for THE GOOD & BEAUTIFUL LIFE!!!

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"I have never met a person whose goal was to ruin his or her life. We all want to be happy, and we want it all of the time."

So begins James Bryan Smith in The Good and Beautiful Life. The problem is, he tells us, we have bought into false notions of happiness and success. These self-centered decisions lead us further into the vices that cause ruin: anger, lust, lying, worry and judging. Eventually we find ourselves living a beautifully packaged life of self-destruction.

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You will want to purchase the book (or borrow it from the library) for this study as we are not able to provide them at this time.

Best places to order your book:

The Good & Beautiful Life on AMAZON

(Amazon price today, $13.20. Also on Kindle for $9.20.)

The Good & Beautiful Life at BARNES & NOBLE

(Also, $13.20 today and they will ship free to your closest Barnes & Noble location. Not yet on Nook.)

IMPORTANT!!!!

IF you do not have your book by Tuesday Jan. 10, DO NOT WORRY and please, just join us!!!

If you are unsure about this study, please join us next Tuesday to find out more!

The Soul Exercises in the book are more important than anything else, so if you have time for nothing else -- do them FIRST each week...

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Two members of our Leadership Team

Carole & Angie at our Christmas celebration in December, 2011

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Zuzu’s PETALS Winter/Spring 2012 Calendar:

If possible, it’s best to read the chapter and do the exercises before we meet each week, for example, read Chapter One before our first meeting. If you do not have time to read, PLEASE COME ANYWAY! It is always fine to do so!!!

Jan. 10, Chapter One: The Good and Beautiful Life; Soul Training: Writing a Letter to God
Jan. 17, Chapter 2: The Gospel Many People Have Never Heard; Soul Training: Play

Jan. 24, Chapter 3: The Grand Invitation; Soul Training: Hospitality
Jan. 31, Chapter 4: Learning to Live Without Anger; Soul Training: Keeping the Sabbath

Feb. 7, Chapter 5: Learning to Live Without Lust; Soul Training: Media Fast

Feb. 14, NO ZUZU’S PETALS – Valentine’s Day – Celebrate with loved ones.

Feb. ?? -- to be set soon --MID-FEB – MINI RETREAT – DATES & DETAILS SOON.

Feb. 21, Chapter 6: Learning to Live Without Lying; Soul Training: Silence
Feb. 28, Chapter 7: Learning to Bless Those Who Curse Us; Soul Training: Praying for the Success of Competitors
Mar. 6, Chapter 8: Learning to Live Without Vainglory; Soul Training: Secret Service

Mar. 13, NO ZUZU’S PETALS – SPRING BREAK
Mar. 20, Chapter 9:Learning to Live Without Avarice; Soul Training: Deaccumulation

Mar. 27, Chapter 10: Learning to Live Without Worry; Soul Training: Prayer
Apr. 3, Chapter 11: Learning to Live Without Judging Others; Soul Training: A Day Without Gossip
Apr. 10, Chapter 12: Living in the Kingdom Day by Day; Soul Training: Living One Day Devotional

April or May ?? Hoping for an overnight group retreat. Details soon….

Bird Ornaments made by Zuzu's Petals to raise money for Family Gateway

GHUMC Global Village Market, 2011

TIPS FROM YOUR ZUZU's PETALS LEADERS:

*Go to the end of each chapter and
DO THE SOUL TRAINING experience FIRST!*

Realize, it is OK to embrace the author's concepts
and
it is more than OK to reject them, too.

These differences provide great starting points for group discussion
and personal clarity.

Blessings for a beautiful 2012 and we hope so very much to see you January 10!

Your co-leaders,

Ashley Brown

Angie Bolling

Teri Pearce Cantrell

Carole Presson

and Lynn Wright

Love Loves Into Purity

2011-10-28T07:16:00.000-07:00

"Give yourself fully to God. He will use you to accomplish great things

on the condition that you believe much more in His love

than in your own weakness." - Mother Teresa.

Our amazing, magnanimous women's group, Zuzu's Petals, continues to meet and work with James Bryan Smith's The Good and Beautiful God. It's been soul-opening, like always. This week, I personally came to terms with the truth about some inaccurate narratives I have about God. It hurts to let go of things long believed, but when they cause you harm and hinder your peace, it's time...

This week we took up the subject of God's WRATH.

Rodin's "The Thinker" Under An Ominous Sky,

Musee Rodin, Paris

Yep. But... NOT the hellfire and brimstone wrath you are thinking of. Right away we dismissed the misconception of natural -- and unnatural -- disasters being characterized as God's action against the sins of humans. We set those concepts aside and got in touch with the wrath that is the result of bad choices in our lives.

Roddam Spencer Stanhope's, "Thoughts of the Past,"

1859, Tate Gallery, London

I've come to believe that our personal wrath as well as the wrath we invoke, are actually God's wrath, too. God knows us so well. God loves us so well. God created us. God's wrath -- our wrath -- it's infinitely intertwined.

George MacDonald

I've just been learning about 19th century minister and novelist George MacDonald. MacDonald was Scottish and wrote many works, including children's literature and most notably a book called The Diary of an Old Soul (the title of which endeared him to me immediately). In our current study, James Bryan Smith hits again and again upon MacDonald's quote, "love loves into purity." He uses this as a beautiful illustration of the "wrath" God feels not against us, but against our sin. It's a beautiful, poetic illustration of God's deep desire to eradicate iniquities from our lives.

Crucifix with Poppy Wreaths,

Notre Dame Cathedral, Paris, 2011

I used to believe that God wanted me.......but really, only after I had extinguished any and every sin from my life. God loved me, but found me lacking. Even though I could easily see a picture of God's unconditional love for everyone else, the narrative I have for my own relationship with God was very different. I held myself to this singular standard believing that God did indeed want me for His, but could only really fall in love with me when I attained a lofty, unique kind of spiritual perfection.

"The Awakening Conscience," William Holman Hunt,

1853, Tate Gallery, London

My self-talk has been so uncharacteristic of the God I know for others.

"I have such great potential, God must wonder when, if ever, I am going to get it together

and really make something happen."

"Why can't I better utilize the talents and skills God has given me?"

"God must be wondering why I can't get organized enough to do what He needs done in the world."

"I wonder if God feels he wasted these gifts on me."

That one makes me cry.

"Allelujah," Thomas Cooper Gotch,

1896, Tate Gallery, London

The good news is, by spending time with my feelings and ideas about God's wrath, I could see that I was envisioning my "own personal Jesus" (to quote Depeche Mode) who expected me to be perfect and unblemished so that I'd be more lovable to God. Through spending time this week getting real about my incorrect narratives and by letting MacDondald's simple words penetrate my heart, I finally see that God of course loves me beyond my sin, beyond all of our sins.

I'm coming to see that God's wrath is actually directed at anything that harms us. God's wrath whips against the things that hurt us, tear us down, destroy us. God loves us before we sin, during it and afterwards and His wrath is there to smooth away our craggy edges, improve our hearts, build us up and love us into purity.

George MacDonald had a sermon entitled, "God is a Consuming Fire." Here is part of that sermon....

"For love loves unto purity. Love has ever in view the absolute loveliness of that which it beholds. Where loveliness is incomplete, and love cannot love its fill of loving, it spends itself to make more lovely, that it may love more; it strives for perfection, even that itself may be perfected--not in itself, but in the object. As it was love that first created humanity, so even human love, in proportion to its divinity, will go on creating the beautiful for its own outpouring. There is nothing eternal but that which loves and can be loved, and love is ever climbing towards the consummation when such shall be the universe, imperishable, divine.

Therefore all that is not beautiful in the beloved, all that comes between and is not of love's kind, must be destroyed.

And our God is a consuming fire."

Peace,

Ashley

Return of the Living Mom

2011-10-20T20:33:00.000-07:00

I'm not a zombie, but sometimes I play one in real life. ALL parents do. Which brings me to the topic of returning. I'm not talking about returning from death like the zombies currently enjoying a spotlight, but actually returning from life......to life. Does that make any sense?

My piece in the 25th annual

Dia de los Muertos show at the Bath House Cultural Center, Dallas

Returning is a big theme in ALL of our lives. Repeatedly. After all, it's the circle of life, right? And it's is not always easy, even when it is welcome. For example, returning to a beloved yet neglected blog practice -- how do you start back at something that you have been away from for far too long?????

Angels of Hawaii

After a very hot summer blessed with one fabulous trip, I entered a very hot fall blessed with another incredible trip, thrown in with a LOT of other "returns" -- the children returned to school with all of the activities and social events that whirl about them, I returned to Zuzu's Petals (along with four co-leaders - Praise the LORD!), I've returned to my art and I've returned to the reality that I want to be healthier, in my body, mind and spirit.

Rodin's Home and Museum, Paris

So, I have missed writing and posting here on Soul Flung Open and I am vowing to write here daily, even if I do not publish every day. After all, not all "posts" are worthy of sharing, but they are all good to express, even if I am the only one who reads them.

I'm always so thrilled when God provides little arrows on the path showing us we are heading in a great direction. I couldn't have chosen a better arrow from God for the topic for returning than the story we studied in Zuzu's Petals this week, the Parable of the Prodigal Son.

Westminster Abbey

You know the story from Luke about the father who loves his son so much, he allows him to have his inheritance early. You can guess what this young, spoiled son does. He takes off with the loot, blowing it in Biblical times versions of road houses and strip joints to the point that he is destitute and slopping pigs to survive. He crawls home in hopes of begging for a job as one of his father's servants. His return brings an amazing surprise: as soon as the father sees him, he rejoices. The wayward son is forgiven, embraced and his status as son is re-established.

That of course is not the end of the story, even though it conveys the radical unconditional love God feels for us. There is the dutiful, older, rather angry son. The son who stayed by the father's side, working hard, doing what was expected of him, and most likely more, since the younger son had taken off. Resentment with a capital "R," right? We've all had that feeling and when I think of wanting to return to better health in body, mind and spirit, I see some places where I hold resentment. Thanks to visiting with the beautiful Zuzu women about the Prodigal Son, maybe I am ready to return to the truth that I need to forgive and really forget, to let these old resentments really go.

"Growing and Reaching," Ashley Thames Brown

So if you are also in a time where you are returning to life, to yourself, to those you love, I hope you will feel blessed in that and I hope you will embrace coming home. I know I plan to!

Know love,
Ashley

P.S. Can't talk about "returns" without mentioning the Texas Rangers' RETURN to the World Series -- Go Rangers!!!

SEEKERS WELCOME: Renewed Zuzu's Petals Continues this Fall!

2011-09-07T08:25:00.000-07:00

Magnanimous Women's Bible Study and Spirituality Group, the Zuzu's Petals of Greenland Hills United Methodist Church, Dallas, will continue again this fall with a renewed leadership team and a LOT of excitement!

DO YOU SEEK...

A life free from anger?

Vanity or greed?

Worry or judging?

A life free to forgive and love?

Honor and trust?

Give and serve?

Let’s find that life together.

Please join us for Zuzu's Petals fall series...

"THE GOOD & BEAUTIFUL GOD:

Falling in Love with the God Jesus Knows"

by James Bryan Smith

Introductory Meetings, Tuesday, 9/13/11
**TWO TIMES AVAILABLE**

9:30-11 am

7:30-9 pm

GHUMC - Glory Be Hall

5835 Penrose Ave.

East Dallas - 75206

Please join us Tuesday morning or evening for coffee and tea, to get to know one another and learn about our study for the fall.

We will have the book "The Good and Beautiful God," for sale at the meeting for $14.65 ($12.33 + s/h). Cash or check fine. ALSO, available on Kindle for only $8.98 (but not yet on Nook). You will also want to bring a journal or notebook.

ZUZU's PETALS is a women's spirituality group

OPEN to ALL women, of all faiths and walks.

Many of us are Christians...

many of us are Methodists...

many of us are neither!

We EMBRACE and RELISH having ANY and ALL

belief systems taking part!!

Zuzu's Petals meet Tuesday mornings AND evenings (same times for the introductory event on the 13th) all fall, 9/13 through 12/6 (no classes on 11/22 for Thanksgiving break).

Your leadership team....myself, Carole Presson, Lynn Wright, Teri Pearce Cantrell and Angie Bolling....looks forward to growing with you! Along with Pastor Marti Soper's support and guidance, we will explore becoming "Apprentices to Jesus' Way of Life" in this study.

Please RSVP if you plan to attend (or get in touch if you have questions): Ashley's Email

Blessings!
Ashley & the ZP Team

MORE ABOUT ZUZUS: In 2006, "Zuzu's Petals" women's group formed at Greenland Hills United Methodist Church in the heart of East Dallas. Through meeting together, the "Zuzus" create a holy space in which to explore relationship with God. By taking time together, studying the Bible and other spiritual sources, faith grows easily and naturally. "We open our hearts and minds as we learn together." Women of all ages, faiths, races and orientations join together in this open-hearted group. Here you will find acceptance and support as the valuable soul you really are. Your thoughts and ideas are valued and a variety of spiritual background makes for lively, exciting discussions and experiences.

"LIKE" us here in Facebook: Zuzu's Petals Open-Hearted Women's Bible Study

Why I Love My Country Enough to Pay More Taxes

2011-07-27T13:31:00.000-07:00

Looking up at "Old Glory," from the Arizona Memorial

Honolulu, July 17, 2011

I love living in a country where --

- we have the liberty to make choices about how we live -

- we are blessed with social equality and equality of rights -

- cultural diversity is the norm -

- children receive an education -

- we have the best medical care in the world -

- older people, who have served society in MANY ways,

receive support from a system they themselves set into place (Social Security) -

- needy folks receive medical assistance -

- orphans receive care and guidance -

- people are helped to get back on their feet after hardship -

- we have resources to pursue safety from attack -

- the armed forces are well trained and much appreciated -

- there is freedom of spiritual choice thanks to the separation of church & state -

- brilliant minds seek cures for cancer, AIDS and other horrible diseases -

- wind and sun are harvested for alternative sources of energy -

- garbage is collected -

- roads, streets and signs are serviced and maintained -

- public transportation is made available -

- disaster relief is attainable -

- big-hearted people regularly stand up and fill in where the government fails or falters -

- the variety of foods we can choose is bountiful and endless -

- we have national parks to infuse us with appreciation and reverence for nature -

- we have libraries & museums to educate us

and remind us of our origins, the birth of our nation, the history of our earth -

- a free market allows us to choose the best business or company for our needs -

- justice is pursued and served -

- we have FREEDOM OF SPEECH -

- let me say that again, FREEDOM OF SPEECH -

- oh yeah, one more thing FREEDOM OF SPEECH!!! -

When I think of the many advantages we have, somehow a few extra dollars out of my pocket seems like a tiny sacrifice. In fact, it seems like the honorable way to steward this great Nations we have inherited.

If I was allowed to speak beyond my vote -- and face it, writing letters and making calls to our congressmen and women, state representatives, even our President, don't make as much noise as your vote did originally -- I would let the elected powers know:

I AM MORE THAN WILLING

TO PAY HIGHER TAXES

TO SAVE

OUR NATION

.....and I am willing to bet, I am not alone.....

Pulling away from the Arizona Memorial

one's heart is full of gratitude, sadness and a desire

to serve those who served all of us...

Who Does She Think She IS???

2011-07-09T10:02:00.000-07:00

"HOT" by artist, Edith Vonnegut

www.edithvonnegut.com

Are you a WOMAN artist, actress, singer, musician, songwriter, dancer, writer, chef, designer, photographer, filmmaker, creative? Are you someone who LOVES a woman artist, actress, singer, musician, songwriter, dancer, writer, chef, designer, photographer, filmmaker, creative?

If your answer is "YES" to either question, then I have a film for you that just might change your life.....

"Who Does She Think She Is?" is a documentary that provides valuable and insightful imagery and commentary on women as artists, their many challenges and accomplishments. I saw it screened a couple of years ago at SMU here in Dallas. It truly opened my eyes to some valuable self truths, i.e., that I need to create in order to fully be me and that by being my true self, I can be a better mother, wife and friend. Basically, that what may seem selfish is not so at all.

If you live in the North Texas area, here is a great opportunity to view this film. Jill Allison Bryan of Creative Oasis Coaching is hosting a screening, followed by a Q&A panel made up of local artists and creatives. The event is next Wednesday night, July 13, 2011, at La Grange in Deep Ellum, 2704 Elm Street near downtown, from 6-9 p.m. $10 gets you in with 50% of the proceeds going to the amazing charity, Women for Women International.

One of my FAVORITE blogs of all times promoted the event today, so please go to The Hidden List: The Secret Door to All Things Exceptional to see the blurb and to see and read more about all kinds of wonderful happenings, design and art in Dallas and beyond.

Please join us for an evening celebrating women in the arts while we do a bit of supporting women in war-torn countries, as well!

"Family War Zone" by Janis Mars Wunderlich

www.janismarswunderlich.com

(You'll see much more of Wunderlich's and Vonnegut's incredible work in the film, too!!!)

Enjoying Another Torrid Texas Summer Vacation

2011-07-06T15:19:00.000-07:00

Newfangled Clothes Dryer, cost: $FREE

There's nothing like a 100 degree summer day in Dallas to deck you in the face and knock you flat on your sweaty, sunburned back.

7 Years Ago - poor sweaty baby Keira, passed out cold!

If you don't live in what I now call the "SWELTER BELT" you might assume I'd be blogging MUCH more. You might assume this because you imagine us Texans spending our summers in the deep dark recesses of our refrigerated homes, feet up on an ice cube with a bag of frozen peas tucked around the backs of our necks.

But no, we don't do that -- at least we TRY not to do that... too much.... until August. We really want to EXPERIENCE our summer vacation. The weather extremes in this part of Texas bring many of us to tirades, by the way. Every year we Dallasites spend a small fortune on sunscreen, risk lung ailments via poor air quality and the use of Deet and seriously consider investing in an outdoor swamp cooler for the backyard (you've seen these on NFL sidelines!).

Possible means of escape...

So, why are we risking our health to enjoy our vacation? If you have children, summer is the only time of year you don't have a rigid schedule. As the kids get older and have busier and busier lives, it is only in the summer that time spreads out with few, if any, constraints. You might actually hear a child utter those two little words most mothers abhor...... "I'm bored."

Calvin has the right idea - hot dog on a cool couch

We Browns LOVE summer. This is the time of year we crave in September as we struggle to adjust to a new class line-up at school. We crave it in December, when the additional plans and expense surrounding the holidays weigh on us. We crave it in February, when the power is out again due to another ice storm and the kids are home from school again, stuck inside because ice just does not make very pretty snowmen. This is definitely the time of year we CRAVE -- with all of our SOULS -- in May, when school year testing, activities, performances, recitals and awards ceremonies take over our lives.

So, like most busy families in the U.S., we really want summer to come -- even in Texas -- and we want to get as much out of it as we can. Here we are, almost half way through this season (with only about 50 or 60 more hundred degree days left) so it is about time I make the following vows for myself and for our family...

FOR THE SUMMER OF 2011, I HEARBY VOW TO DO THE FOLLOWING:

Embrace the sun from underneath all of my protectant garb and potions (and buy stock in Neutrogena).

Envision taking an icy dip in a Colorado stream as we dump as many bags of ice we can fit in my truck into our pool and take a plunge. (This really makes a difference, by the way, for about 20 minutes).

Night swimming is a relief as well - no sunscreen necessary!

Run and walk and ride our bikes at 6 a.m. so that our sneakers won't melt on the pavement.

Dry all of our clothes outside on a clothesline -- it only takes about 10 minutes -- in an attempt to decrease the huge carbon footprint we are making trying to keep our house cool.

Subsist on iced tea, lemonade, watermelon, salads of any kind and popsicles.

Just looking at her makes me feel 10 degrees cooler...

Take long breaks from the heat of the afternoon by going ahead and embracing the INDOORS -- not only in front of "Toddlers & Tiaras," or at the mall, but at the movies, the art museums and the music venues.

Seize every opportunity to wear shorts. Not long walking shorts, mind you, but shorts as short as a woman my age can wear without being stared at. (I have a love/hate relationship with my legs and their imperfections, but at 43, I've decided it's ridiculous to waste time on that thought process. It's cooler, it's more comfortable...the end.)

Who is really looking, anyway?

And best of all, we will LEAVE. Oh yes. We will travel, far away from here, and also, maybe just down to someplace like Galveston. You'd be amazed at the difference a gulf breeze and a high of 95 degrees makes!

Gulf coast, 2010

Hoping all of you are enjoying a beautiful summer full of blessings no matter where you are.
Wear your sunscreen!
Ashley

Looking forward to finding more shells and more ways to stay cool!

"In Cahoots" with Angels

2011-06-15T12:20:00.000-07:00

So, I had this HUGE e-mail list that was made up mostly of women, and a few men, who attended, or had an interest in, the women's group I led in the past, the Zuzu's Petals at Greenland Hills UMC. It's evolved, as all things do, and a growing number of like-minded people who have nothing to do with Zuzu's have recently been tacked on to the list.

Circle the Wagons!!!! (3 year old Keira with friends Sally & Laney sound the rally cry!)

I realized yesterday that this e-mail list defies definition. Everyone on the list DOES, however, share a mutual desire to show care for others and to help one another through prayer and the sharing of information. To borrow a phrase from my friend Sandy, the group is full of "wagon circlers." When the pioneers were settling the west, they would "circle the wagons" at times for protection and help. I started to see this big group of angelic people -- mostly from Dallas, but there are a few who are not -- as "wagon circlers" because they were rallying together to lift prayers and/or share help. Quite often, for people they did not even know.

PRAYER WORKS!

Every once in a while -- sometimes a few times in a day, then not again for several weeks -- I send the group e-mails with urgent prayer requests. I might also share a philanthropic event, spiritual activity from GHUMC or elsewhere in our Dallas community. I've begged the group to do the same -- the receivers are not blind copied. We are all out there, e-mail addresses nakedly exposed. Eee-gads!

The people on this list may or may not have things in common, but they are all "in cahoots," so that is what I am going to call them from now on. Many of them go to Greenland Hills UMC and many do not. Many are Christians, some are not. It doesn't matter. All that matters is that we are "in cahoots" with one another to make our community and our world a better place.

All kinds of friends matter...

I sent out a message announcing this and asking folks to let me know if they want off the list -- no harm, no foul -- I know how annoying it is to get too much e-mail. I was completely surprised by the barrage of beautiful responses shared.

People from all walks of life are letting each other know they want to know more about one another, they want to support one another and they want to remain nakedly exposed on this list, "in cahoots" to help others, our community and the world at large. I said it before, but what an ANGELIC group. I'm so inspired by them all!

"I've seen and met angels wearing the disguise

of ordinary people living ordinary lives."

~Tracy Chapman

So I challenge you dear readers, go out and find a group who is willing to be "in cahoots" to care for others and heal the world. Or, pull up your wagon and come on "in cahoots" with us! Just shoot me an e-mail and I will add you to the list!

Besos & blessings,

Ashley

(ashleytbrown@sbcglobal.net)

Cure for Spiritual Apathy?

2011-06-07T15:47:00.000-07:00

Hi friends. I've missed you. If you are as busy as I am, I doubt you have noticed a lack of posts from me of late. However, summer has finally begun and even though I continue to have a gargantuan "to do" list, the schedule is much more flexible. I hope you are able to catch your breath, too.

Wonder if there is a "Super Buddhist #3" around the corner....

Why else have I not been writing? I won't blame it on this full, wonderful, messy, ridiculous, blessed life I have. There is something else going on as well. The monkey on my back, that I have been restraining and ignoring, is this spiritual apathy I have right now.

Despite the fact that my spiritual instruments probably look like this.....

Surprisingly, I do not feel lost. And, I don't feel separated from God. I feel God's love in amazing and profound ways, but my spirit is suffering from a lack of gumption to move forward.

I've examined my heart and I find that this does not mean that I don't love God. I do love God and I feel connected to God and I also feel that God is loving me right back -- fiercely even. I also do not feel this place I am in signifies a loss of progress I've made within my spirit.

I love this quote -- this is my mantra right now:

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer."

- Rainer Maria Rilke ‘Letters to a Young Poet’ (1934)

A few years ago, I found myself traveling down an exciting and fulfilling spiritual path. Then, I felt God's hand move through my life, and encourage me to slow down, do some other work and smell some roses. When I looked up from this fragrant and riveting experience, I saw so many different inviting directions, I had to sit down and contemplate which one to take.

This leads me to where I am now -- I can't seem to find the motivation to choose a direction.

I remember other times of letting my heart wait for God. I get that it is all about faith and I feel that God actually appreciates this understanding. But....I get caught up in so many things. This is no one's "fault" but my own. Actually, I don't even want to use a negative term like "fault." I am surprisingly forgiving of myself with this and I hope you would be -- will be -- too, if you are ever here.

I have spent so much of my time and energy focused on my family of late, I have put myself aside more than a little bit, but don't ALL parents do this? Have I put what God wants for me aside, too?

What is my next step?

I am thankful for this time to contemplate where I need to go and what I need to do to learn what God desires for me to learn. These are times when we gain important knowledge about ourselves and about the world we are hopefully here to make better.

I have faith in You, God, that this veil of apathy will be lifted so that I will see the sign I am too human to see right now.

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." - John 8:32

Mad May Disease Prevention

2011-05-18T19:27:00.000-07:00

Alas, I am far too late to save myself THIS year.....

NOTE TO SELF.. READ and HEED THE FOLLOWING

beginning JANUARY 1, 2012

(and every year after that until Keira graduates from high school)!!!

January 1 - Make a list of every teacher, dance instructor, gymnastics coach, Girl Scout leader, carpool partner, Sunday school leader, babysitter and graduating senior you know.

January 2 - Take the list to the mall and buy them all gifts at after Christmas sales. This will save you a TON of money and even though getting into those stores AGAIN so soon after the holidays is a total beat down, you will be thrilled come May that your shopping is done for all of those wonderful people who bring so much to your children's lives. (This will free up funds for extra therapy sessions or might even pay for a new straight jacket).

January 5 - Speaking of analysis, go ahead and get back into a schedule with your therapist so that when the MADNESS of May hits, you'll be prepared (that nervous tick you've developed this year is starting to freak people out). While you are at it, start that savings account for your children's future psychotherapy.

January 7 - Begin taking your allergy meds NOW. Sure, there may be snow (or ice) on the ground, but if you make a habit of it now, maybe you won't be scratching your eyes out of your head come spring and just maybe you won't feel like you have pneumonia from all the sneezing, hacking and coughing fits you suffer as things bloom.

January 8 - Book appointments for haircut and color and a massage for April 15. You're locks will reflect the REAL you (instead of the gray and tired looking creature currently seen in the mirror) at all of the end of year festivities, recitals and musical performances. The massage might prevent you from looking like Igor (which is how you look today with your stress-filled shoulders hunched up around your ears).

January 12 - Begin spring cleaning and garden planning. Plan to complete all closet organizing, garage purging and extensive yard work by the END of April and do NOT touch big projects again until June. This way, you won't be caught with piles of clothes and underwear strewn all over the place when the termite people come to fumigate your house and take all of your money.

January 18 - Stock up on Sudoko and other brain power puzzles. Start these right away and by May, hopefully, you will prevent your brain from turning to a pre-dimentia mush (like it was in 2011).

January 19 - Start putting twenties in a jar for all the gas money you are going to need in May as your driving children, their friends and their gear to and fro will quadruple. Might even be time for a Prius.

January 25 - Start practicing saying the word, "No." Get comfortable with it. Say it now, slowly, ...."Noooooo." The more you practice, the easier it will become. Cut out life sized photographs of your children and say it to them over and over. You might need to do the same with a picture of the room mom.

January 31 - Remember to LAUGH but also remember that YOU -- and ALL of the many things you are doing as the school year comes to an end -- are in God's loving hands. Don't forget He's with you through it all. Ask for His hand on your heart and all will be well..... whether it gets done or not!

"If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it."

- Erma Bombeck

Peace and besos as yet another school year comes to an end,

(it all really goes by much too quickly, doesn't it?)

Ash

Let There Be Peace...

2011-05-03T05:06:00.000-07:00

Many are reliving 9/11 with the death of Osama bin Laden and many of us have conflicted feelings about celebrating death, even the death of a very sick, very twisted person who has caused so much harm and loss. I woke this morning singing this hymn. Let us go forward reaching for peace....

Brian and Kylie at Arlington National Cemetary, summer 2008

Let there be peace on earth And let it begin with me. Let there be peace on earth The peace that was meant to be. With God as our father Brothers all are we. Let me walk with my brother In perfect harmony. Let peace begin with me Let this be the moment now. With every step i take Let this be my solemn vow. To take each moment And live each moment With peace eternally. Let ther be peace on earth, And let it begin with me.

LET THERE BE PEACE ON EARTH (Jill Jackson / Mark Miller) - circa 1955

Rabbit Hole

2011-04-20T22:00:00.000-07:00

I'm down it again and that is ok.
   It's close to Easter.
   It's spring.
   Mother's Day is around the corner.
   Fiesta week in San Antonio has just passed.

Spring can sometimes be a weird time for me. We all suffer the anniversaries of loss.....

Each year a loss is marked, things shift and change.

At these times, do you ever feel..... tuned in yet fuzzy? attentive yet detached? blessed yet cheated? open yet closed?

This is how I feel this year and I do have faith this time will pass. The thing I keep clinging to is this... at least I feel alive.

Last year, I wrote about my Mom -- Barbara. You may have read it.

This coming Saturday is the anniversary of her death. As I have said about 100 thousand times, I never know how I am going to feel from year to year. I am always surprised that no matter how many years go by -- 34 at this point -- I never know where I am going to be with this.

How can this have happened so many years ago, and yet, on any given year I might feel.....

....devastated..... peaceful....angry.....forgiving.....grieved
....resigned....indifferent.....impatient....powerless........
....vulnerable.....loved..... supported......misunderstood.....cheated.......
.........grounded........lifted..........??????

It always sucks to lose a parent. This year I had an extra dose of healing via an unexpected conversation from an unexpected source. Thank you, God. What a surprise. What a blessing....

We all want and seek healing and I guess the weird thing is, healing wants and seeks us, too.

Thank you, Mom --- Barbara -- for teaching me these lessons. I still miss you every single day and I am still pissed off that you left me behind.... but I forgive you and I forgive God...
..... because I know...

...you didn't leave ME. You just had to go. I don't know why it was your time to die, but I know I am richer because you lived.

I also know that you were in God's arms in those terrible moments just as I was in God's arms in the excrutiating moment of learning you were gone. Just as I am still in His arms -- just as you are still in His arms.

See, we are still together.

all photos taken with my Hisptamatic ap for iPhone

at the City Museum, St. Louis, MO, summer 2010

Blessing Your Desires: Slaying the Green Eyed Monster

2011-04-05T09:57:00.000-07:00

I'm more than ready to reveal my many character pitfalls here as I blog. I think I recently admitted to you that I am vain. Here's another one: I am shallow.

Just like anyone, I sometimes have feelings of envy when I see someone I perceive as more talented or more successful than I. I actually do not begrudge them their gifts, but I sometimes covet what they have. It has always been easy for me to be happy for them as people, but I used to find that I got really down on myself if I yearned for their bounty, whatever it was.

I've been getting a much better handle on a lovely and LOVING way to cope with this and I promise, it works. When I find myself envying someone, or yearning for what they have, I BLESS what they have and I BLESS them for having it and move on.

I am not perfect at this practice, and I sometimes have to work at it, but it gets easier and easier. It could be called, "Blessing What you THINK you Want." This concept is out there in many forms and within many faiths and philosophies, btw.

This practice came to me through prayer. Some time ago I started praying, intently, whenever I had envious feelings and the prayers evolved from,

"God, please forgive me for having these feelings

and please remove them from my heart."

-- TO --

"God, thank You for showing me the beauty of this person's life,

thank You for loving them just as You love me,

please bless their good fortune, talent and hard work

and please bless them as they enjoy these things."

I believe that this practice has given me more than the peace I was originally seeking. As a result of this growth, I don't expect God to give me what someone else has or even to give me something that might be perceived as equally wonderful to it. As God forgives me, I can begin to forgive myself.

With God's help, we really can slay that green eyed monster. By realizing that the things we think we want may not be what we need or even what we truly desire.....

....DO I want that? Or, do I want something else? Am I desirous of what God wants for me???? Seems to me if we stick to wanting what God wants for us, everyone's happy.

Besos & blessings,
Ashley

Spiritual Souvenirs

2011-03-27T10:23:00.000-07:00

Villa view at Lake Arenal

It took me long enough, but I've finally accepted that we are HOME from spring break in Costa Rica. Getting back into the groove and yet "cocooning" myself a bit (I'm still moving at a slower, quieter pace) has allowed me to process our trip. I think I told you Brian and I and the girls went to to Costa Rica for 10 days with the in-laws and their children to celebrate my father-in-law's 70th Birthday.

Si Como No Resort, Manuel Antonio

We arrived in San Jose, travelled to Manuel Antonio for time at the beach at Si Como No, then scooted on to Lake Arenal for the majority of the week. From our charming and lush home-base there -- Villa Encantada -- we meandered around to Monteverde (Selvatura), "The Springs", Arenal Volcano, La Fortuna and Nuevo Arenal. We departed out of Liberia.

Brian's fave yellow trees that dot the cloud forest...

Teeny tiny beach raccoon!

I believe when you travel, you must find a souvenir or two. Although there are many beautiful things to buy in Costa Rica, I found, surrounded by so much natural beauty and richness of culture, I had a hard time putting my camera down long enough to get my wallet out. We did make a few purchases: some beautiful woodwork (they only use sustainable sources or naturally felled trees), a little jewelry, the girls bought some trinkets and a small thing or two for favorite teachers, Kylie bought a chair hammock and I had to get a bottle of my fave condiment, Lisano Salsa, but the best souvenirs were the spiritual ones.....

La Fortuna

- Faith -- Things are not always as they seem -- our car for example. It was ugly, dented, missing all kinds of parts, lacked American approved seat-belts, squealed and needed air in the tires, BUT it got us safely ALL OVER the bumpiest, windy-est roads you can imagine AND it had a rockin' air-conditioner, a boon for anyone prone to carsickness. Plus, the car, and the travels within it, were character building for these little soft children we have for sure!

Charming ladybug trail markers at Villa Encantada

- Respect with a Healthy Does of Acceptance -- The people you meet as a traveller in this country are gracious beyond belief. They are beautiful, healthy, happy people. Many of them would be considered poor in the US, but they exhibited to us a wealth that extended beyond the material. Yes, there are poverty stricken areas to be seen, especially in the cities, but in the majority of the places we travelled to and from, we saw people living simple, uncomplicated lives centered on making an honest living (agriculture, tourism, more) and raising solid families (in every village there is at least one beautiful little indoor/outdoor school and a small church -- btw, this is a country that prides itself on freedom and acceptance of different religions).

Monteverde Butterfly Conservatory

- Less is More -- We did not turn our cellphones on the entire trip. We watched no TV. We had the radio in the car and of course music via iPod. I will admit, the Nintendo DS came, too. But, compared to our regular lives, we were "off the grid" for the most part and it was strangely healing. I keep forgetting my phone now that I am home and I have spent much less time at the computer. TV? Whatever. I have however fallen in love with my Kindle, so you can take the girl out of the US, but you can't take the US out of the girl..... at least certain aspects of her.

Howler monkeys visited with us at Vila Encantada

- Perfection is Overrated -- This trip was not without its pitfalls. We had a minor health emergency (the details of which I will spare you as the person involved has asked for complete privacy on the issue, but let me just say we were thankful for the wonderful "pharmacias" in CR). Also, there were events along the way that may not have been entirely satisfactory to everyone in our party. When you travel with such a large group, it is difficult to meet everyone's expectations. When things go wrong away from home, it is easy to get worked up and frustrated with one another. Although I was sad to see others struggling, I was thankful that Brian and I could share a common perspective and outlook on things. Being concerned for the others brought us closer. Mixed blessings are still blessings.

Arenal Volcano

- Peace -- Costa Rica is one of the few countries in the world WITHOUT an army. Yes. You read that correctly. The army was abolished over 60 years ago and those funds have been continually spent on education and universal healthcare. I couldn't help but think of Jesus and turning the other cheek. Here is a country no doubt very rich in natural resources and yet they trust that the rest of the world will leave them alone. You sense there a lack of fear and worry. Honestly, with the children in tow and Brian being fluent in Spanish, I felt we were safer there than any other place I have ever been to in the world -- including home. It was very inspiring to be a witness to their trust in us as American visitors. Amazing. (Side note: They currently have a woman president - Laura Chinchilla Miranda!)

RAINBOW - Lake Arenal

- Trust -- Which brings me to trust and this was best illustrated with the roads and the dogs. Everyone walks on the roads here, just totally trusting that they will not be hit or harmed. It could be dusk on the curviest, bumpiest road and there will be a family walking with their children and dogs, wearing dark clothing having total faith you will not hit them. CR is heaven for dogs, too, the ultimate trusting creatures. Everyone has dogs. They go with them everywhere, without a collar or a leash. They hang around in the cafes and cantinas, politely waiting for you to share a treat from the table. I can't tell you how many strange dogs politely took food out of Keira's tiny fingers without so much as a nip.

We shared a lot of time with the birds of Lake Arenal

- Nourishment -- Talk about clean air and healthy food. This tiny country also has a very small population compared to what we are used to. Every drop of water is clean and pure, be it from a stream or from the tap. The grains, fruits and vegetables are gorgeous and huge. Every chicken and cow has led a happy, chemical free life. The fish are plentiful and eaten within hours of being caught. The coffee is above and beyond. In addition to all of the nutrients we received, the beauty of the food and the care of simple preparation translated to the best five pounds I ever gained! Having picky children, it was another character building exercise for them in opening up to something new, or communicating better what they wanted.

Happy Cow on the Road to Arenal

La Fortuna!

The Grandparents and their PIPAS FRIA!

- Thankfulness -- And, finally, the best spiritual souvenir, THANKFULNESS. We came home so very thankful for our time together, for our experience, for the grandparents for treating us to this trip, for being in a time and place that we COULD go and have this family celebration. You can't go to CR and not be profoundly thankful to a God who would create such a beautiful world for us to experience and learn from. My eyes are still looking for the beauty, but I can close them and feel it in my heart with ease. As the ticos say, Pura Vida!

Muchos besos,
Ashley

Reality Bites!

2011-03-24T21:56:00.000-07:00

Well, not really, but the difficulties I've had coming home from ten days in paradise have really surprised me. You'd think I was away for a year!

I was so inspired and wrote so much about Costa Rica while I was there. I plan to share a few relevant bits of that here soon. (Check out my "Soul Flung Open" hat in the pic above -- that was made for me by my dear friend Carole!!! Thank you, Carole! I wore it all over CR!)

I'm so thankful we were able to have this trip with the family. The girls being 6 and 12, were each at wonderful ages to get so much out of this. I'll be forever thankful to my father & mother-in-law for taking us and wanting to celebrate his 70th in this beautiful way.

Our house when we got to Lake Arenal was "Villa Encantada," which means "Home to be Enjoyed," and we really did. I hope you are enjoying a beautiful spring yourself and if you have children at home, that you had a happy and healthy spring break.

Besos,
Ashley

(Photos above courtesy of my mother-in-law, Chery Green!)

Pura Vida!

2011-03-09T21:52:00.000-08:00

The Brown family is about to go off the grid for the next ten days. We are headed to Costa Rica in celebration of my father-in-law's 70th Birthday. We are taking the children and meeting my mother and father-in-law, brother and sister-in-law and their kids and we cannot wait!

The LAST time I was in Costa Rica, quite a few years ago -- Keira was a baby girl then -- I spent a LOT of time locating phones to call home. I was not ready to be that far from my girls AND I missed them terribly because at every turn, there was something amazing from God's creation that I wanted to share with them.

Brian and I had a wonderful time, and it was good to get off on a trip just the two of us. This time, I am over the moon to watch the girls see nature at its finest -- jungles, beaches, volcanos, lizards, birds, butterflies, coatimundi -- so much more!

These snaps from our previous trip will have to suffice until we return. Although there are internet cafes, the cell phones will be staying in AIRPLANE MODE and my sincerest hope is that we will be fully ensconced in discovery and awe.

If you are looking for something cool to read today, please go to Jill Allison Bryan's Creative Oasis to read about the International Women's Day celebration at White Rock Bridge here in Dallas.

Happy Spring Break to you all and thank you so very much for reading,

Besos!

Ash

Who IS that in the mirror?

2011-03-07T05:01:00.000-08:00

I have the ladies in mind here, but I bet there are a few men who can either relate or love a woman who can relate, so read on guys.... if you can take the hormonally-charged talk....

"All is Vanity" by C. Allan Gilbert

So here is an icky thing to reveal about oneself, but I am willing to bet a lot of women and girls, experience this too. It involves disgust at viewing an inaccurate image that presents itself in the mirror just before a certain time of the month. I've had this for as long as I can remember, but it has become worse since my "pattern" has become strange and unpredictable, which, although unwelcome, is totally normal for my age (43!).

If you have it -- and I hope you don't -- you know exactly what I mean. For a few days, you don't see yourself the way you really are. Instead you see a face that doesn't seem familiar, a GUT that doesn't seem to match the one in your mind's eye and depending on what else is going on -- haphazard emotions, current events, phases of the moon -- certain physical "flaws" magnify to the point where they are huge and blaring (even though you know in your right mind, you're the only one on the entire planet who knows they are there).

So every month -- sometimes more often, sometimes less often -- I go through this and I get to have these additional, ridiculously selfish conversations with God. I've tried to glamorize them by telling myself they are very Anne Lamott-ish, but I don't seem to find the humor in them as well as she does. I can't help but feel that God might not, either.

Poor God. When this happens with me, God gets to hear a lot of, "WHY does it matter? WHY does it bother me? WHY am I so shallow? WHAT is wrong with me? OH MY GOD, when did THAT -- age spot, freckle, stretch-mark, broken blood vessel, dimple -- get there?" Fortunately for God, I usually move quickly into thankfulness that my body works, for goodness sake, then into desperately pleading for Her forgiveness. However, I eventually begin the process of beating myself up for my vanity and self-centeredness. Then, I put us through the cycle all over again. Like I said -- poor God.

Distortions are closer than they appear...

A few years ago I realized one of the blessings that comes from this minor delusion. When it's over, it's over. Amazingly, once I go into the "red tent," this weird little psychosis completely evaporates and I look in the mirror to find just regular, old me. The me without all of the imagined illusions of deformity and overt imperfections. Who is THAT new person there -- who, while not perfect, is not disturbingly WRONG looking????

I don't have body dysmorphia, and I don't want to trivialize that very real and very distressing disorder. I am blessed that these preoccupations pass and are a memory to me as soon as I have a hormone shift. Some months, I hardly have any notice of them and other times, I suffer a little more. There are probably a hundred reasons I do it -- from childhood events to heredity -- and I am sure my therapist could list them all for you. I believe it's born in my chemical make-up and fed by my vanity and since it doesn't seem to be really going away, I guess it's about time for me to glean something good from this.

First of all, I need to acknowledge that I am vain and quit beating myself up about it. Vanity is not technically one of the seven deadly sins, but I guess it fits in with "pride," so I am pretty certain I am not the only one who suffers with it. As an art history buff, you'd think I would be more solid in the belief of beauty being in the eye of the beholder. Beauty is SO subjective. In fact, if I like you and find you wonderful, I can only SEE the beauty that comes from within you. So why can't I do that with myself, on those few days of the month?

Secondly, when I go through this, I do become overwhelmingly tired of myself. I can't tell you how many times I start and enjoy projects that are completely focused on someone else during this. This month, I had such an easy time diving into my grandmother's taxes, a job I am ashamed I do not look forward to with relish.

Thirdly, I just can't help but feel that instead of beating myself up so much, I could use this as an occasion to learn something. AND, I have daughters! They may go through these times, too (I hope they don't!) but I want them growing up with an example of self acceptance and healthy feelings about aging. I don't want them to waste the time and energy that I have beating up their image. Could this actually be a teaching tool?

I'm so thankful to know God forgives us for even small things like this and She has promised to love us, no matter what.

"God's love is meteoric,

his loyalty astronomic,

His purpose titanic,

his verdicts oceanic.

Yet in his largeness

nothing gets lost;

Not a man, not a mouse,

slips through the cracks."

- Psalm 36:6, (The Message)

Of course I'm going to keep praying about it -- this pre-period madness -- when it occurs. "Ok, Omnipotent Creator, I apologize that here I am again with this nonsense. With Your grace, please help me to find what I need to learn through this. Show me how to honor you through even this trivial thing. Allow it to open my eyes to the suffering of others rather than that of my own."

After all, God sees more than our bodies, more than our egos,
She knows our soul

and I need not worry if it makes no sense to me.

I feel certain to Her it's pretty clear,

as crystal as a looking glass.

Advertisements Removed

2011-02-28T07:50:00.000-08:00

Photo courtesy of www.says-it.com

Well, sorry folks & sorry google, I have removed ads for now. I apologize to the readers of this blog as I began to see that the ads were in opposition to what we like to talk about here, i.e. interfaith acceptance. My bad for thinking that was a good idea.

Photo courtesy of www.says-it.com

Please forgive me if you were confused, or worse, offended, by any of the advertisements google was choosing for this blog. I had minimal control over what was chosen and had difficulty maneuvering google's monetize settings.

Photo courtesy of www.says-it.com

Live and learn and thank you for your support and patience as we navigate this blog-world together!
Fondly,
Ashley

Desperately Needed.... Hope-Inducing... Flashlight Moments

2011-02-27T14:55:00.000-08:00

Man.... the dualities of life. How can things be so tame within my own little existence and yet so intense, painful, difficult and tragic for so many????? For many close to me, and others I do not even know, life is full of sadness. Plus, the news is so blasted depressing -- globally and locally. I don't even want to watch it or read it, but of course, you have to. (Still searching for that perfect, unbiased source on world news, so if you know it, please share. BBC News seems to fit the bill, but it is still all so serious and difficult to watch).

I am sure you join me in sometimes feeling helpless in the face of others' suffering. Just when I think I am going straight into what St. John of the Cross called a "dark night of the soul," someone flashes a torch on the path towards hope.

Here are a few hope-inducing flashlight moments from this past week...

Four year olds from Texas can and do use words like "exhilarated" accurately in sentences.

The Astoria Scum River Bridge project.

Dogs can survive eating pork rib bones stolen from the garbage without their owners spending a fortune at the veterinarian.

Dads still love to put on a jacket and take their daughters to Father-Daughter Dances.

People read and contribute to The Elephant Journal.

Girlscout cookies continue to be tempting and delicious while helping girls realize their potential.

Ignite Dallas is thriving.

Mind-expanding, soul illuminating lessons, sermons and messages are delivered in thousands of churches, temples, synagogues, meeting places and mosques every week. (For example, today, I was so thankful to become aware of Wesley's interpretation of Jesus' Sermon on the Mount being about PROMISES, rather than rules & instruction, thanks to Dr. Charles M. Wood of SMU Perkins School of Theology and GHUMC).

Chase's Place Day School for Special Kids.

There really are GROWN women in Dallas who like to have turtles as pets (Polly & Brina, you know who you are).

......These things and many others help restore my hope and faith. I am certain you have many more flashlight moments. How about sharing them -- here or elsewhere? If you do, you will be a torch of faith to others, guiding us back to our HOPE.

Looking up,
Ashley

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" - Matthew 6:25-27 (NIV)

Things to Do Before Adios Park

2011-02-22T09:02:00.000-08:00

I know it is done to death -- literally -- the "bucket list." We all have one, even if it is just a mental list, of the things we would like to do or see before we "fly away home." I have become a firm believer that writing things down makes them happen, so this seems like as good a place as any...

So here are the things I'd like to happen before I head off into that good night. These are in no particular order and if it's crossed out, I am thankful to have already gotten to it.....

see our children receive their college diplomas * read the entire Bible, cover to cover * ~~attend the Rose Bowl Parade~~ * visit Machu Pichu * go to an Ashram in India * see my brother win a major award for his work in film * tour Africa * explore Egypt * stay on a ranch in Argentina * ~~go to Annapolis, Maryland to see our family home~~ * be alive to see the cure for cancer, the eradication of AIDS and the end of debilitating diseases * ~~visit the Grand Canyon~~ * take a fencing class * go back to Rienzi, Museum of Fine Arts, Houston where I was one of the first museum employees on staff * stay as youthful & healthy as possible by natural means * ~~sign up to be a bone marrow donor~~ * take good care of my body so I will not be a burden to my family * ~~learn to waterski (Canada on the first skiis ever invented -- thank you, Dick Ireland!)~~ * have one of my humble creations purchased for a museum collection * visit the important art museums in every country I go to * ~~have someone purchase my art~~ * ~~be an extra in a film~~ * publish a book that makes people's lives better * meet my Women for Women International sister * take a ride on the back of a motorcycle in a beautiful, scenic locale * live in Southern California * ~~enjoy high tea at the Plaza Hotel~~ * ~~sing a song in front of an audience~~ * see peace in the Middle East *see safety, respect for, political and economical power for, ALL women, globally * see an end to abuse of women, children and elderly people * visit 100 places of worship, it doesn't matter what faith * attend a weekend-long silent retreat * ~~go on a cruise (not for me, not ever again, I left in a wheel chair)~~ * try snowboarding * ~~catch the view from the top of the Empire State Building~~ * ~~make it to the top of the Eiffel Tower~~ * ~~see the Louvre~~ * meet the President (or a President) * learn more about classical music * gamble & ski at Lake Tahoe * shoot skeet * ~~eat raw oysters in New Orleans~~ * float on the Dead Sea * go nude at a nude beach * give others the benefit of the doubt (I pray I am at least half way there on this one???) * tell Elton John, Willie Nelson, James Taylor, Carol King and Jerry Jeff Walker how thankful I am that their songs have kept my memories of my mother alive in such a beautiful way and have helped me grieve her loss as well * hug Jack Black * show my daughters how to be blissfully unaware of -- or at the very least, immune to -- mean-girl tactics or bullying of any kind * ~~ride in a hot-air balloon~~ * visit Scotland with my Dad (and wear TCU purple with him while there) * ~~laugh so hard I wet my pants~~ * go to Paris with Pixie and Jennie and be able to speak some French along the way * attend an authentic Dia de los Muertos ceremony in Mexico * see the cherry blossoms in Washington D.C. * attend a sit-in * visit Tibet * ~~learn all about diamonds (~~~~during my time at Tiffany & Co.~~) * have a past-life regression done * pray at the Wailing Wall * travel the stations of the cross in Jerusalem * attend the Pageant of the Masters in Laguna Beach * attend a fashion show during Fashion Week in NY * ~~see the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco~~ * ride on a gondola in Venice * wear a big hat to the Kentucky Derby * be a force for change in the ways many Christians are perceived AND in the ways many Christians perceive others * see the sky lantern festival in Loy Krathong, Thailand * ~~say a prayer in Notre Dame Cathedral~~ * go to at least one island in the Caribbean * ~~take a helicopter ride~~ * visit Pike Place Market in Seattle * learn to take great pictures * visit a beekeeper and see hives * ~~attend a peaceful protest~~ * ~~ride every scary ride on the midway (Houston Stock Show & Rodeo)~~ * ~~drink beer at the Hofbrau Haus, Munich~~ * dance in the middle of Stonehenge * watch every movie that has won an Academy Award for Best Picture * volunteer again at a soup kitchen, and again, and again * donate blood (I have never been accepted) * see universal acceptance and support between ALL of the major world faiths * see every child receive an education * visit Australia * live in the perfect home for our family: cozy, not too big, with plenty of character, lots of light, terrific neighbors, plenty of room for entertaining, fabulous & functional kitchen, lovely guest accomodations for family and friends to visit, terrific outdoor living areas , a pool, "green" through and through and earth friendly, quite close to the beach, as well * celebrate my 50th wedding anniversary * see our friends and family celebrate long, happy, fulfilling relationships * honor my parents and grandparents in the way I live my life * see the Northern Lights * see Rome * ~~jump off a cliff into water (& lose my bathing suit top while receiving a water enema, Canada)~~ * ~~explore Boston~~ * renew my vows in Vegas with an Elvis impersonator officiating * ~~see Graceland~~ * own and enjoy wearing a very high-heeled pair of Louboutin pumps * donate a million dollars to education * die peacefully in my sleep at 95 after a beautiful day of eating cheese and ice cream, walking on the beach, laughing at my dogs, playing with my great-grandchildren and making love with my husband * ~~visit an active volcano (Hawaii and Costa Rica)~~ * ~~survive white water rafting (Colorado and New Mexico)~~ * ~~listen to classical music in Salzburg, Austria~~ * be able to do a headstand in yoga * see my children leading fulfilling lives * get to know my grandchildren very, very well

Keira and Kylie on Venice Beach, 2011

WHEWWW!!! That was LONG!!! I doubt anybody read that, and that is perfectly ALRIGHT! At least it is out there, being examined my the Universe! Now, I would love to read YOUR list!!!!! Please post it here or share it with me at ashleytbrown@sbclobal.net.

If you want some other ideas, here are two lists that inspired me quite a lot:

Karen Walrond's list (author of The Beauty of Different)

Maggie Mason's list (of "Mighty Girl" fame)

With a happy and truly thankful heart,

Ashley

The business end of things...

2011-02-20T10:09:00.000-08:00

First of all, let me apologize for the new advertising you've been seeing on my blog, if it puts you off in anyway. Silly me, thinking, just maybe, I could make a little money to justify this lovely blogging habit I have -- I am paid MORE than enough within my soul, for sure, just getting to write and even more if someone actually reads it. But, given the way life is for us right now, a little extra pocket money would be helpful.

As a result, I am allowing ads through Blogger. Since I do not have loads of followers, I do not have a say on what kind of ads, just a promise from Blogger that they would somehow relate (remotely, I think) to my content. Frankly, I am surprised by some. There is one that makes ime look like a Mormon. I know many Mormons and I very much honor their faith, but I am not Mormon. (Just plain old Protestant, Episcopalian practicing at Methodism with a little Zen Buddhist peaking through).

Secondly, if you are not a follower, but would like to be, please click "follow" over there to the right of where you are reading.-------> The more followers I have, the more control I may get on advertising. Thank you so much.

Thirdly, I am completely at a loss for maneuvering more exposure for my blog (and my cause -- i.e. -- showing the world that there REALLY ARE Christians who are supportive of, and interested in, other faiths). Forgive me if you see weird things like this :

Follow my blog with bloglovin

:...from time to time. Trying to get my blog to show up on blog lists and get more people reading it.

Lastly, and MOST importantly, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING AND FOLLOWING. Your interest and support means the world to all of us who want to show the world that Christians can and do practice cultural altruism as well as hold honor and respect for other faiths.

Peaceful Sunday to you,
Ashley

Out Beyond Ideas - Zainab Salbi and Women for Women International

2011-02-19T12:08:00.000-08:00

So, meet me on the bridge? March 8, 2011, the 100th Anniversary of International Women's Day? A bridge near you?..........

Last year, I went to the Bridge Ceremony at the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco

I found many sisters that day!

Night before last, I was blessed to see Zainab Salbi, founder and CEO of Women for Women International, receive Austin College's Posey Leadership Award here in Dallas. I had been a couple of years ago to see Greg Mortenson ("Three Cups of Tea") receive it. Seeing these world changers in person and being inspired by them is so uplifting, as is learning about tiny Austin College in Sherman, Texas. 70% of graduates from this little liberal arts school -- there are only about 1,400 students -- study abroad (that means they are ranked number one for percentage of study abroad participation in the world!).

Zainab Salbi, CEO & Founder

Women for Women International

But I digress, if you do not know Zainab Salbi, please, google her right now. This is a tiny, beautiful, geneous and intelligent woman who has been moved to change the world because of the suffering she has opened herself to see. Her call is to end violence and crimes against women, and help them build new lives in war-torn countries thus forging peace in the world. Women for Women International provides protection, healing, healthcare, support and education to women in war zones. They have literally helped thousands of women rebuild their lives after tragedies that are very difficult to imagine in our safe little American bubble.

Which brings me to share with you a few things Zainab said the other night that brought me, and everyone there, tears, sadness, joy, peace and hope.

First of all, she would only accept a leadership award on behalf of the women helped by Women for Women. She went on to tell us several very difficult stories of women overcoming insurmountable pain and tragedy. She humbly made it clear that they were the true leaders. That she was just following them, being inspired by them, doing what came naturally.

Women of the Sudan, photo courtesy of Women for Women International

It was also amazing that we were listening to her speak of immeasurable cruelties and brutalities against women and children, and yet we came out so hopeful. Her point about sharing these difficult details? If we don't talk about it, it will keep happening. The rape tactics and sexual violence has GOT to stop. It is very hard to hear, but keeping it a secret actually allows it to have an even stronger, darker power.

Women for Women is well-known for it's sponsorship program. For only $27 a month, a woman in the developed world is matched with a woman in a war-obliterated and suffering area. The woman being helped receives medical care, training and support to transform her life. The two women will write to one another...form a bond....become sisters. Zainab said something that I loved. She said that when a letter arrives in a tiny, poor village from America, the recipient becomes like a celebrity. She said it is exactly like something out of the movies. There is excitement and joy over this letter and the recipient is lifted up to amazing heights. Hard to imagine, isn't it! Such a small thing making someone's life immeasurably better.

I am embarrassed to tell you that I have been a coward about mentoring someone at Women for Women. I am terribly ashamed to tell you I was afraid it would hurt to know too much. That knowing the details of another woman's - a mother's, a wife's -- suffering in a far corner of the world, would make me feel helpless and incapable. I realize after hearing Zainab, the pain and worry and sadness I would feel over my new friend would be worth it if it gave HER just a a few minutes of happiness and faith. How could I be so selfish?

Jill Allison Bryan at her CD Release Party one year ago

Entitled "Infinite Possibility", the event was not only about music,

it was also an art auction and fundraiser.

13 artists were chosen to donate work for the event -- I was blessed to be among them...

It was a magical night and over $10,000 was raised for Women for Women International

thanks to Jill's amazing vision!!!

Click here to go to Jill's website, Creative Oasis Coaching

Zainab also reminded us that in order to honor these people suffering so much in these war-torn areas, we should not feel guilty about our good and easy lives, but we should be thankful and not take our lives for granted. This really moved me that she would be so gracious considering what she has seen in her own life and the lives she touches.

I'm telling you, I walked out of there feeling on top of the world -- we all did, those of use there. I felt like Zainab was showing us how opportunities are there to improve the world, everywhere around us, near and far, here in Dallas and on the other side of the world in Congo. That we CAN make the world a better place, no matter where we are or who we are.

I want to express a HUGE thank you to Jill Allison Bryan for bringing Women for Women into my life just over a year ago with her INFINITE POSSIBILITY event. I feel like I am coming full circle in a way, yet I am only just beginning to see changes in myself that I hope will help others.

Zainab says she ends every lecture with a poem from Rumi, it has been one of my favorties, too, and here it is.....

Out Beyond Ideas

Out beyond ideas

of wrongdoing and rightdoing,

there is a field.

I'll meet you there.

When the soul lies down

in that grass,

the world is too full to talk about.

Ideas, language

- even the phrase "each other" -

does not make any sense.

Blessings and peace,
Ashley

To Read:

- Total kismet, Jill blogged about Women for Women today, too!!! - My favorite blogger, singer-songwriter and creativity coach - Jill Allison Bryan's Blog Post from today also, "Join Me on the Bridge!"

- "Between Two Worlds: Escape from Tyranny: Growing Up in the Shadow of Saddam," by Zainab Salbi and Laurie Becklund

- "The Other Side of War: Women's Stories of Survival & Hope," by Zainab Salbi

To Do:

- Attend the East Dallas "Join Me on the Bridge Ceremony," at White Rock Lake Bridge, March 8, 2011, 1 p.m. Bring signs for peace and $1 (or more) for a donation to Women for Women.

- Not in Dallas??? Attend a "Join Me on the Bridge" ceremony close to you. Click here to show solidarity in your area..

- Well, actually, it is already done.... I just signed up to sponsor a woman through Women for Women. Can't wait to meet my new sister!!!

Wanting the Best for you...

2011-02-09T17:36:00.000-08:00

...allows me to give the best to myself.

Smallest painting ever created by Barbara Beckwith Thames

In honor of my shortest blog post yet, a little reminder that spring is somewhere around the corner. I found this cleaning out the children's toys and my heart almost burst with joy. My mom made it for my doll house. Such a tiny thing, so carefully created, for a child.

Keep your faith,

Ashley

Dear God, Please Keep Me Laughing (and maybe, just maybe, a little less snow and ice???)

2011-02-04T16:58:00.000-08:00

"A joyful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." - Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

Dear God,

What a week! There have been some very low points. Many trials and tribulations this week. I need not tell you of the sadness in my heart over the loss of a truly bright light here on earth, nor the magnitude of my awe as I watch yet another friend courageously begin a battle with cancer. I feel huge relief that You know the love, pain and hope within my heart.

On a much lighter note, Lord, this weather is about to send me to a loony bin. Father, I am thankful for all of the seasons, but this is Texas!!!! Whoops -- that did not sound very respectful. I am sure You know what You are doing -- Possibly making the Packers and the Steelers and their fans feel more at home for the Super Bowl??? Needling Jerry Jones??? Naaaahh, couldn't be.... -- and I know I shouldn't complain, but the children have been home from school -- trapped for the most part inside -- since TUESDAY and we are all getting on each others' nerves more than a little.

George had a lot a patience with Gracie's antics because she made him LAUGH!

Help me to have patience with them and them with me. Please enlighten me to some new ideas and activities to keep us busy and content.....

Thank you for your bounteous gifts, including but not limited to: America's Funniest Home Videos, heat, electricity, TV, Wii, the Game of Life, playing cards, ingredients for homemade playdough, brownie mix, Facebook, glitter and above all, thank You for my sense of humor. Please enhance it and keep it intact!

Dreary... Beautiful, but dreary...

Seriously, thank you for our safety and warmth in this crazy winter storm, thank you for laughter and thank you for holding us close as we grieve the loss of one of our saints.

It is my great joy to pray in Your Son's name, thank you Jesus,
Amen.

“When you realize how perfect everything is,

you will tilt your head back

and laugh at the sky”

- the Buddha

The Mimo Relay, a.k.a "Country Road, Take Me Home"

2011-01-31T15:35:00.000-08:00

I drove to Hillsboro yesterday afternoon. Mimo, my gorgeous and amazing 93 year old grandmother, had driven down to her hometown, San Antonio, last week with her niece. We pooled together and created what my cousin called a "Mimo Relay" to get her back to her current home in Fort Worth.

This is not the scene yesterday, January 30 ---- but spring is coming SOON!!!

It only took a little over an hour to get to Hillsboro, a small town south of the metroplex. It was really peaceful to see the big city disappear in my rearview mirror, rolling -- brown and dry, but rolling, none the less -- hills and trees. The sky was HUGE before me, pale blue and loaded with the kind of billowy, undulating clouds that are great for finding animals and angels in.

I spent a good deal of the trip down listening to music that made me nostalgic. Certain things are just a trigger for memories, aren't they?

"Country Road, Take Me Home" John Denver

(John Denver was one of the first concerts I remember going to with my Mom!)

When I got to Hillsboro, my cousin and her gorgeous, teenaged daughter were getting out of their car with Mimo. Mimo looked so tiny and frail, but she had a huge smile on her face, as big as the broad Texas sky, and her dignity overcame her slightness as she unfolded her little old body. We sat at Starbucks for a while and visited. It was so nice to see her so happy and to see my beautiful cousins.

We caught up on the way back to Fort Worth, I ran her by the store and got her settled back at the "home." (It's called "Sunrise" -- she jokingly calls it "Sunset.") We went over some business stuff and then I had to head back to Dallas.

I hate leaving her. I always hate leaving her, fearing it will be our last time together, making sure I get that strong hug that only she can give. I worry so much over her suffering and her pain and I know she will have a little let down after her trip. However, I am SO thankful she had the time with family, old friends and familiar places. Her courage and strength of character in knowing herself and doing what needs to be done, will continue to inspire me in every way.

Photo from Dallas Morning News, David Woo, 2010

I had been so concerned about her going down there -- that she might get hurt, get sick or be sad with old memories. I have felt terribly guilty that I have not been over to spend more time with her of late, too. But, I am reminded again to have better trust in the Lord! God did an awesome job, like He always does, of making sure the faithful (Mimo being the faithful!) have just what they need.

Also, by giving her what she needs, God has also given me what I need -- peace in my heart about Mimo's frame of mind and deep satisfaction that she is finding peace for herself, to continue living as well as the courage and grace to move into the next phase, when that comes.

On the way back to Dallas, I got into a musical revery once again. As I turned off Central Expressway, "The Long and Winding Road" came on. That song always makes me cry. I said a short prayer to God, thanking Him for all the blessings He bestowed this past week upon my grandmother and for all of the ways He is working in our lives. I asked, like I often do, for blessings for those who have gone on before us. I asked that they feel my love and that God will fill the hole they left behind.

Not the greatest quality recording, but SO wish I had been at THIS concert!

Peter Gabriel started to sing "Solsberry Hill," as I pulled into the driveway.

"You can keep my things they've come to take me home,"
Ashley

Thank You Dorothy Hamill, Annie Duke and Jesus, too!

2011-01-22T13:19:00.000-08:00

The law of his God is in his heart; his feet do not slip.

Psalm 37:31 (NIV)

God not only gifts us with certain talents to get through life, He gives us plenty of opportunities to use them AND to develop new ones....

If you look back at one of my early posts, you'll see I found a way of wading through unknown waters with my own personal "Dorothy Hamill Mode." "DHM" stems from my 9 year old girl-crush on the skating superstar. I had the hair, the look, the skating skirt -- -- -- but severely lacked the skills.

No matter. At my Birthday party in 1976 -- a skating party, of course -- I glided along, shoulders back, head held high, hair gently shaken into place....as I CLUNG TO THE SIDE with a death grip! I fully believed no one noticed. (Ha).

Dorothy Hamill, U.S. Champion, 74-76

This past week, I got out my "DHM" and dusted it off, thinking I was really going to need it. After several years of leading the Zuzu's Petals women in Bible and spiritual study, I've learned that I really like "teaching." (I put that in quotes because with Zuzu's Petals it has felt more like being an opening for God's work, allowing Him to work within the group, really just facilitating that for Him.)

However, the Zuzu's Petals are GROWN women and I've never considered childcare my calling -- except when it comes to my OWN children, of course. I've enjoyed teaching Sunday school, but that is only for an hour at a time.

Last week, I was asked to substitute at a wonderful pre-school down the street and I just couldn't say no. Since Keira was there as a student, I have missed the terrific staff and teachers so much and I've hoped that one day they'd call me to fill-in. It is a place that represents a lot of great memories for us.

All week, my mom and my mother-in-law, both experts with young children, have felt so close to my heart, too. My mom was a Montessori teacher and Anna Mae was a kindergarten teacher. Interacting with these precious 4 and 5 year olds, it's almost like I can feel their smiles and nudges. I've always wished I could ask them for advice with my own children, so it was comforting to be in an environment they would have felt quite at home in.

My mom with her own little pre-school class -- that is little Barbara, front right.

I've made a lot of mistakes this week, but the children have been so forgiving! The funny thing is, I really have not needed my "DHM" at all. Actually, this experience may have allowed me to develop a whole NEW skill. I like to call it "ADM" short for "Annie Duke Mode." If you don't know who Annie Duke is, she's one of the world's top professional poker players. I'm working hard at getting in touch with a better expressionless poker-face because these children could easily have me rolling on the floor with laughter if I'm not careful. Pre-school is just such a cute time in kids' lives. Their funny comments and they ways they react to one another -- it tickles me to pieces.

I'm so thankful I got to use -- and not use -- some old talents and skills this past week. I'm also thankful to Dorothy Hamill, Annie Duke and to all of you. We are all precious in His sight.

Happy weekend!

(me in kindergarten...)

Thankful to the "Charming Gardeners"

2011-01-18T17:28:00.000-08:00

I know there is a great Dallas band that has this name, but that is not who I am talking about here. I have been thinking of this quote CONSTANTLY as it just sums up perfectly how I feel about my tribe of women friends and family members. I am sure you've read it.....

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."

-- Marcel Proust

A tiny, glimmering statue of Ganesha, a beautiful handmade card, two beautiful stones. Treasures that have shown up on my doorstep reminding me of the creative ways we care for one another.

Last week, this INCREDIBLE book also presented itself on my doorstep. It was from my friend, Lindy, who leads an open-hearted group of spiritual seekers much like the Zuzu's Petals in Kingwood, Texas. She sent me "The Beauty of Different," by Karen Walrond.

If you have ever doubted the power of your beauty or feel you've failed as an individual -- be you a man or a woman -- this book will CHANGE YOUR MIND. I have not been able to put it down since it arrived. Please go find it on Amazon here.

These blessings from the 'charming gardeners' of my life were unnecessary as I already knew they loved me, but I am just so thankful.

Hope your soul is blossoming today,
Ashley

Does this mean I can put "stunt double" on my resume? NOPE, MORE LIKE "STAND IN!"

2011-01-16T11:33:00.000-08:00

Stepping outside of regular life from time to time is good for the soul, you know? Thank you, LORD, I must be in some sort of cosmic cycle for this kind of thing. I truly love my life, but like anyone, it is not without stress. I am so thankful for this ebbing and flowing wave of little escapes.

"How far away are you? Can you come back to the set? We need you again." These just may be the three sentences I was born to hear. Well, probably not, but it was a fun request to heed. This call summoned me back to my all too brief task as "stand in." Yep, me -- housewife, stay-at-home mom, mixed-media-artist, blogger -- and now, movie star? NO -- more like STAND IN!

Organized chaos in the "Space Bar"

Last month I went to New Orleans to see my brother, Jay. I flew down on my 43rd birthday to spend time with him and watch him work on "The Power of Few" conceived, written and directed by Leone Marucci.

I CANNOT wait to see it and I'm not just saying this because my brother is one of the producers. The premise is complex and involves a conspiracy, ethical dilemmas and the power of personal choice. There is an ensemble cast including BRILLIANT Christopher Walken and Christian Slater. Among many other talented contributors are Q'orianka Kilcher, Anthony Anderson and Devon Gearhart (a 16 year old genius). Little did I know that watching just a few days of the making of this film would give me so much.

Lots of time to make this shot and it probably equals only a couple of seconds of the film.

Jay texted me minutes after landing, "Where are you?" I was in a cab heading to the hotel and he said, "Just come direcntly to the set. You might get to meet Christian Slater." Well, of course I am going to do that, but really, I only had stars in my eyes for about five minutes. I missed Mr. Slater, but pretty quickly became totally enchanted with the experience of watching this creation underway and the many people making that happen.

I told you my visit to see Jay in New Orleans deserved its own post and actually, I am sure it deserves much more. The film is in post-production and it is going to be AMAZING. I'm not sure of release date but later 2011 or 2012.

So, this precious lady driver lets me out on a corner in the Faubourg Marigny and Jay whisks me over to "base camp." Base camp is just like it sounds: the launching pad for the people, vehicles and equipment involved in the film. Much of the crew was from New Orleans, or nearby, and they were all gracious and sweet to me. The talented Hollywood contingency was there as well. I got the feeling that these groups, for the most part, were mixed into one big agreeable assemblage.

Jon Walls (director, "Playing For Change" and also working on POF)

& Jay Thames, writer, actor, producer (They are old friends & have worked together in the past.)

There are lots of films being made in NOLA these days. Lousianna has become very attractive to filmmakers and I think that is a wonderful thing. After the horrible tragedies and set backs with Katrina and then the oil spill, new and exciting industry must be such a blessing for the state and her ultra-creative people.

Amazing, talented crew! So fun and so sweet (and cute!).

I really liked everyone I met and the set had an aura of originality and goodnatured hardwork. People were kind about being interrupted and introduced to me, this smiling outsider. I felt welcome and I know it was all because of Jay. He'll groan when he reads this, but I know our mom must be beaming with pride at his dedication and many interpersonal and professional strengths.

I agree, those glasses have GOT to go...

One of the biggest blessings from stepping outside of your comfort zone by surrounding yourself with something new, as far as I'm concerned, is the amazing people you meet. I could go on and on about all of the terrific people I met on this film, I really could. It kind of felt like sumer camp. (Well, for me, but they were working so probably not for them.) I was really inspired by many of them.

Linda in wardrobe -- she really has long, beautiful hair!

One of my FAVORITE new friends is Linda Jewell. Don't you love meeting someone that you just click with? She was doing a lot of stunts on set, doubling for one of the main characters. Linda is this stunning, talented actress and stunt woman from L.A. We got to hang together and when I got to be a "stand in" for one of the other characters who had already "wrapped," I got to do it with Linda! She drove a cab through an intersection and I got to ride in the front seat with her. We did this over and over again. Then they finished and I left to go wander the Quarter. I was only 10 minutes from set, when I got that fun phone call from Jay. I got to go back and do more cruising in the cab with Linda. What a great day!

I was so worried this guy was going to fall!

Another blessing within this experience was understanding a tiny bit better the craft of film. We all know that movies are an illusion, but I think that many of us forget that as we watch them (especially the really good ones). We forget, or we don't realize, that everything that happens on that screen existed in someone's imagination FIRST. I so LOVED seeing and finally understanding how the direction, the sets, the equipment, the actors, the wardrobe, the props, the effects, even the light are all used just as a painter uses his materials to create something wholly unique. Believe me when I say it is ART. I watched these people for hours and hours and then I got to go in the truck and watch the images that you will one day see on the screen and it looked beautiful and amazing and DIFFERENT from reality. Real but not real. An impression of reality. ART. It was enlightening.

The Praline Connection is one of my FAVE restaurants in N.O. -- how serendipitous that it was "cast" as the outside of a location in the film. (Luckily, I got to eat there, too!) The "Space Bar" sign was only for the sake of the film. There was also a fake hardware store set up in another empty building down the street. It was so real looking, people kept trying to go into it. The interiors of the "Space Bar" were shot down the street within yet another building.

The art direction was really amazing.

I know this is a long post, but I really have to add that the MOST important part of the whole experience, was spending time with my brother. Jay has worked -- even fought -- long and hard to get where he is in his life. He has overcome a lot of loss and pain. Having this time with him was the most valuable part of the experience. I'm proud of him and I'm thrilled for him and I wouldn't be me without Jay as my brother.

None of that is real behind Jay!

So in a number of months, I will be urging you to GO SEE this film and support these wonderful, hardworking, extraordinarily creative people. When anyone works so hard and puts so much of themselves into creating something new, don't you now God -- the Ultimate Creator -- takes great delight and thus blesses that?
I will always be praying the world sees the value of art in life.
xoxo - Ashley

"True happiness comes from the joy of deeds well done, the zest of creating things new." - Antoine de Saint-Exupery, Author, "The Little Prince"

New Year's "Resos" 2011?

2011-01-12T08:23:00.000-08:00

Kerouac Ally, San Francisco

My dad, Johnny T, has all kinds of cute sayings and nicknames for things, and always has. Recent bon mots include, "do me a solid," if he wants a little favor and "double solid gold," if he thinks something is really wonderful. He's adorable and charming in every way, so these little sayings are always delivered with a laugh and a smile.

My Dad, Editor of the Skiff, TCU, 1964

Dad calls New Year's resolutions "resos" and we usually have a little annual chat about what our "resos" are. I texted him the other day to see what he was planning, even though I already knew he was embarking on a new diet. He texted back that he had already broken one or two resolutions, but was keeping others. He always signs off "AD" for "Ashley's Dad." I so love that.

I've made resolutions in the past and then, there have been years where I chose not to. I hate to set myself up for failure, but I did make a few "resos" for 2011. Setting aside fears of publishing any downfalls come year's end, I hearby RESOLVE to....

..... own the fact that I am a craftsperson and a writer. ...... spend time and energy telling stories and developing my creations. ...... to stop apologizing to myself, and the world, for needing to do so.

..... stop trying to force things to happen in my life. ...... remember to work hard, but also to trust and LET things unfold. (I will stay proactive, but I hope to stop striving so hard and let God show me where He wants me to go).

..... give people the benefit of the doubt and choose to believe they are doing the same for me. This is called extending grace, and I could do better at it. I could do better at expecting it as well.

..... play with the internet only on Sunday (or if I am stuck in a waiting room or long line with nothing to read and no one to talk to -- kind of unlikely). This means giving facebook, online shopping and fluffy fashion blog reading a break. Research is fine but cruising around on J.Crew.com in order to put off work is not. Blogging is fine (sanity saver!).

..... practice yoga at least 4 times per week. This was easy last spring, but for some reason has become a challenge.

2011 started out with e BANG!

We are 12 days into the year now, and I must confess, I have fallen down a little. The internet has crept in a tiny bit and due to travel and a small but niggling respiratory infection, my yoga attendance is not where I want it to be. As far as the other, less measurable but more important acts of volition, time will have to tell.

Do you make "resos" or do you think they are a waste of time? If you do, what are you resolving to change, add or repair in 2011?

I wish you all great success, "resos" or no,
Ashley

Oh, my love's like a PURPLE rose... How 'BOUT Them Rosey Frogs?

2011-01-07T06:23:00.000-08:00

Thank you, Robert Burns, but it's not a red rose anymore, it's PURPLE!!! When the "little guy" wins, surely we can take creative license with great poetry, right?

The Brown Girls Enjoy the Rose Parade, 2011

Yes, we just got back from California where we took the girls to see our alma mater, TCU, WIN the 2011 Tournament of Roses! This was magical in every single way! Never mind it was colder than it should EVER be in southern California and never mind that in addition to the cold it RAINED a lot. We were with some of our favorite people from our days at TCU and their adorable families. (We were sad we didn't get to see everyone, but with the kids along, we took it a little slower and it really paid off in family harmony). Plus, all of the children hit it off and had a great time together, our hotel in Manhattan Beach was comfy and cozy, and we had terrific access to entertainment and dining at every turn, within Los Angeles and vicinity.

There were signs it was going to be good right and left... Some of our closest friends had a hard time getting out of Chicago and we all bonded together, LOUDLY expressing prayer after prayer asking for them to get there to be with us. Sure enough, they arrived in southern California on New Year's Eve (along with Snoop Dog who apparently prefers to fly with the masses on Southwest Airlines, hmm). We felt like it was a beacon that the Frogs were bound to win.

Keira "holding" Bogey's hand at Grauman's Chinese Theater

Leading up to the game, we enjoyed charming Manhattan Beach, saw a new but very dear friend in Los Angeles, let the kids get a feel for Hollywood (seedy!), went to the super cool pep rally at the Staples Center and rang in the New Year "New York time" so we could all get to bed and get up early for the parade and game the next day.

Left my heart in Manhattan Beach!

I gotta say, the whole Rose experience is SO special. It is smack dab in the middle of this gorgeous, small city, Pasadena. The logistics of organizing ALL of these crowds must be mind boggling for all involved. I know it was for us! We got up and out before the sun came up, got to Pasadena and navigated the crowds to get to our seats. Note to anyone who plans to go to the parade in the future -- order tickets for the parade seating and sit where we sat! We were at the beginning of the parade just as it turned the corner, which put us as close to the stadium as possible and gave us a jump on the departing crowds after the parade. Also, we were by a lot of media and had a terrific view of the action.

My FAVE Float

Television does NOT do justice to the parade, btw. It was so gorgeous and amazing beyond words. I asked Keira if she was having fun and she actually said, "Mommy, I can't contain myself!" She did get a little whiny at the end but I did too -- it was 38 degrees and we'd been freezing for hours at that point. When we got to our tailgate we rewarded ourselves with snacks and Cokes for the kids and delicious bloody mary's for the adults. Got some fun time with my brother and the guys and gals we spent so much time with back at TCU, too. It was beautiful and so much fun!

Kylie and Kendall in their Super Frog Capes, walking to the stadium

(why didn't they fly??? hmm)

The game was of course, another thing of absolute beauty. It is a ridiculous feat to get all of these THOUSANDS of people through too few, too small entrances into the stadium and then into the seating. The bathrooms are clean and working but far too few. Everyone was gracious to one another and we gave each other space and grace, too. I even had a "Badger Angel" when Keira was desperate for the bathroom. This precious Wisconsin fan whisked us from the back of the line and begged about 45 Badgers to "please give this little Hornedfrog bathroom priviledges," and they totally did with a smile. I know we shocked them by beating them but the majority of Wisconsin fans were CLASSY beyond words. It was an honor to play them.

Moment of the WIN!

What kind of fan would I be if I did not thank brilliant Coach Patterson, his amazing staff and this talented team for bringing us this joy! Thank you Andy, Jeremy and of course "immaculate deflector" Tank and ALL of the team for your hard work, great sportsmanship and amazing skill and prowess. What a great game on every level.

HOW 'BOUT THEM FROGS!!!

I don't know if you watched, but it was not quite 50/50 Wisconsin/TCU fans, but close. Anywhere you sit in the Rose Bowl is a great seat, too. From my humble opinion, both teams played a very good game and there were no injuries, which is such a relief. Something about seeing Andy Dalton praying in the end-zone pre-game and then a whole group of players joining him for prayers there before the second half was touching. Then, when Tank jumped up and blocked that pass, everyone in purple started cheering through tears. Amazing and I am so glad our kids were there with us.

After the game, further tailgating (might as well, it took forever to get out of there) and several renditions of "Purple Reign" on the ride home, our celebration continued late into the night. Within our crowd, the kids looked after themselves and the grown-ups headed out for a big, delicous dinner and lots of cheer. The day after, we went down to Laguna Beach to visit friends. OMG, the ART, even though it was raining we had to see some galleries and the beach, cottages, BEAUTIFUL -- Brian, are you reading this? Laguna Beach -- Shouldn't we live there???

Amazingly, we did not make it to Disneyland as promised (cold and rainy) and the kids didn't mind a bit. We went with our buddies and families to Santa Monica and Venice Beach. As Kylie put it, "the kids were running around on the ocean's edge like an Abercrombie advertisement."

Coming home, re-entry has been tough. But, I am so thankful we went to the 2011 Rose Bowl. I do not believe the Super Bowl, or even the Olympics, could be any more special to me. Above all, even above the win, was the time with Brian and the girls. Roses symbolize LOVE so there is no better symbol for sharing this experience with them and our precious friends and their families.

Our Buddy David Celebrates at Venice Beach

I know it is an old cheer but it holds a dear place in my heart being born into a TCU family (Who went to TCU? - Mom, Dad, Uncle, Cousins, Brother, etc...):

Riff Ram Bah Zoo
Lickety Lickety Zoo Zoo
Oooh Wah
Wah Oooh
Give 'em hell, TCU!

Happy and Healthy New Year!
Ashley

Primed for 43

2010-12-19T20:25:00.000-08:00

My inlaws sent me this card for my Brthday.

My father-in-law drew my attention to the fact that "43" is a prime number.

THE BIG 4-3...

My 44th year on this planet began last week on an airplane which was fitting because the next 12 months or so are to be blessed with an unusual increase in miles logged away. It will be an interesting year for ALL of us Brown's. We'll be investing quite a lot in trip insurance and getting our packing skills down to a science (as well as making our little home as comfy as possible for our wonderful house sitters).

All of the coming adventures involve family in one form or another, so this first one centered on my brother. Jay has been producing a film down in New Orleans. He invited me to come down, see him work, eat good food and catch up.

My time down there -- mostly spent peeking behind-the-scenes on the making of a pretty interesting film -- deserves its own blog post. However, the main reason for going was to see Jay, who I don't see near enough and to catch up with him. He was so gracious, we ate fabulous food and he was so kind to me on the set, introducing me to all of these talented and amazing people, making me feel right at home even though I could tell he was very busy. Like I said, the experience watching a film being made requires its own post for sure. The inaugural trip of my year of travel was big in many ways...

Zuzu's Rest = Change....

The week before that, we had our last Zuzu's Petals get-together at least for the forseeable future. We had TWO beautiful parties, morning and evening. Everyone brought amazing food and beautiful smiles. Many of us shed a tear or two, but I think everyone feels good about what we have experienced together so far and we all look forward to what comes next. I am so thankful for these women that have been willing to coccoon with me again and again, always emerging as beautiful spiritual butterflies. Ah, change! The only true constant. I seriously can't say enough about the WOMEN of ZP and how they have changed my life and helped me grow in my faith. I am so thankful for them sharing their valuable insights and holy energy with me and with one another...

and of course, Christmas and a NEW YEAR...

Like many of you, I've also been in the throes of Christmas preparation, shopping and the children's numerous programs and parties. I love all of this BUT the mall, post office, even on-line shopping feels like I'm swimming as fast as I can from one island to the next but when I get to the island, it's loaded with crazy people running around, screaming, waving their hands in the air, so I dive back into the sea! It's like gasping and striving for the next island ASAP, hoping for some peace (like the REAL peace of the season) but alas!

At least we are in Kingwood now with Pixie's amazing decorations, delicious food and warm laughter, so I am breathing back in the Christmas spirit and I hope you are, too!

Just one of Pixie's precious angels...

Aging, change and the beginning of a new year -- all times when it is good to re-evaluate how we are living. I was blessed to grab one hour of peace, Friday just before the kids got out for holiday break. One hour was all I needed to say THANK YOU to my God. For the many gifts of times ahead and for the ability to experience them!!! I hope that you also will face many new and interesting wonders in the year ahead.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

—John 14:27

Keep basking in the light

of this beautiful season!

Ashley

Jenny Craig for Dogs?

2010-12-03T07:39:00.000-08:00

Does this guy look fat to you?

Calvin this morning, 12/3/10

Well, he IS! This is Calvin -- I've blogged about Calvin before. This is our dog, a.k.a. gift DIRECTLY from God a year and a half ago. After recovering from our terrible experience with "Coconut" (the inbred Shitzu who hated not only children but the hand that fed him, too) we set out to find a grown dog, of non-specific breed who had been fostered and thus, we'd know at least a little bit about him/her.

Kylie's Birthday Cake in honor of Calvin choosing us as his family!

No cake for Calving these days!!!

God led us to Calvin who is now 6 years old. He is a full blooded Golden Retriever with a rich red coat. He is definitely oversized for his breed, but his weight has ballooned 30 pounds since he has been with us!!!! I want him to live as LOOOOOONG as possible because he is just THAT wonderful, so he has got to lose some weight.

Granted, he was a little thin from stress when he came home, but this is TOO much weight for even a dog of his size. He is currently 106 lbs! Pretty soon he will fit into my jeans.

Thus, today he begins his diet! He is on the new Theraputic Weight Reduction Program from Hills. Our amazing and caring vet, Dr. Ben Wright said, "It's like Jenny Craig for dogs." The food is pre-measured and comes with a journal to record what he eats and his weight!

How does he feel about this? Not good. He got wind of it yesterday, thus felt the need for one last binge. He propelled himself onto the middle of our kitchen island, nabbed two small baguettes and wolfed them down along with most of the paper they were wrapped in. Honestly, it makes me feel a lot less guilty for putting him on a diet during the holidays because from now on, I will have to keep the baked goods under lock and key.

Actually, that is not a bad idea for everyone over here in the Brown house, but there is no way I am locking up the soy egg nog.

"In his hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind." - Job 12:10, NIV

Peace, love and healthy dogs!

Ashley

Taking Christmas Back, Part 2: Scary Christmas?

2010-11-27T15:03:00.000-08:00

Anyone else out there have fears this time of year? I can't seem to get out from under a cloud of worry. Every year about two weeks before Thanksgiving, I start to get excited about Christmas and then each year, around the first of December, I start to get a little depressed and fearful. I thought having children and experiencing it though them would cure me of these feelings, and in many ways it has. Some years are better than others, but this year, hmmm. I have so much to look forward to and yet, I am fearful of Christmas this year.

I know what this season is about and I so want to await the arrival of the Christ child with joy and peace. I know this is the season of giving and I love giving. However, some years I panic and seem to relive the ancient anxiety and loss of years long past. These sad memories creep into my current life and often transfer themselves onto current concerns.

So what am I distressed about? Most likely I have the same worries you do this time of year. I'm worried I'll spend too much money. I'm worried I won't spend enough. I'm worried I'll forget someone. I'm worried I won't meet someone's expectations. I worry I will put us in debt. I'm worried my own children might be disappointed or worse, not take joy in the REAL reason for the season. Mostly, I'm worried about the friends and family we have who are hurting from illness or loss. I know this season can bring more pain to those who are suffering, alone or grappling with huge issues and I find that so hard to take.

So what kind of gift is that to present to the Christ child? A big box of concerns, fears, anxieties and doubts. That feels so wrong that I would give Him that. Yet, I feel the following in my heart...

"Please give me the gift of helping you with these things."

My worries are so small in the grand scheme of life as we know it, but they are mine and I know God loves me. I know He wants me to hand over these worries and fears, but I feel so guilty and small minded asking for help when I am sure God has MUCH bigger fish to fry. I do know he wants my faith. I know by giving Him my concerns I am showing Him I trust Him and have faith that He will work things out according to His will. If only He will use my problems to bolster my courage and allow me to proceed with His desires for my life. I can only pray for the strength to hand them to Him. And, for the light of Christmas to illuminate the way He wants me to go.

Growing a faith that there IS a merrier, more peaceful Christmas out there somewhere,

Ashley

Letting God Work Through the Breaks...

2010-11-21T14:21:00.000-08:00

I recently made the decision to take a break from leading Zuzu's Petals, a.k.a. the Awesome-Open-Beyond-Amazing Spiritual Group of Women who get together to grow closer to God. I love this group, I love everyone in it, I love my church for making a place for it, I love the stuff we talk about, I love the research and creativity I get to access to lead it, I love the way it makes me feel and more than anything, I love love LOVE the effect it has had on my relationship with GOD. So why, WHY, would I take a break?

Well, there comes a time in all of our lives when we see that we just can't do justice to it all. Even things we love and WANT in our lives can suffer if we overextend ourselves. God worked through me to make the decision to take a break from leading this group for a little while. I have faith that He will continue to move through this amazing flock of women and through my life. I have faith that these women will continue to be there for one another and continue to grow together spiritually, too.

"La Paloma I," mixed media on canvas, donation to Children's Center Art Show, 2010

Oddly enough, this decision was not that difficult to make once I took the time to really listen to God's wishes for me and for the group. Once I paid attention, I realized that the gift that is the purity of this experience allows me something that is hard to describe. You see, although I am very attached to the women of ZP and I love and care for them very much and even though I am more and more AWARE of my attachment to my Lord, I realize very easily, the group does not belong to me. I have been blessed to be used by God but I am completely free of any kind of possessiveness of Zuzu's Petals. I am sure this sounds strange if you know me, because you know I can be possessive at times and as egotistical as the next person. However, not with Zuzu's. It's really hard to even find the right words to describe the purity of love with which I behold this group and everything associated with it.

Our church, Greenland Hills United Methodist, has been the fertile soil that this group has flourished in. Many of the ZP's are part of the congregation and many are not and that has been one of the great benefits of the group. I know all of the women join me in appreciation for our church in that it has allowed us to grow and thrive in this unique way and will continue to do so.

I am going to keep referring to the group as the "Zuzu's Petals" because I fully expect it to start up again in the near future, either lead by me or perhaps by someone else, or a group of others. I have full faith that it will evolved the way God wishes it to and it feels good to entrust it to GHUMC and see what happens. There are so many great opportunities there for spiritual growth, so I personally look forward to being lead in new ministries there and out in the world at large as well.

The Zuzu Facebook Page will stay up and running and I invite you to post ideas and inspirations there anytime. Please join the group! I invite everyone to share mission opportunities, creative ideas, GHUMC information and local spiritual events on the FB page as well as with the group via our e-mail list.

"ZP" is an oasis for me and has nourished me spiritually and I hope it has been so for anyone who has attended over the past few years.

There WILL be Zuzu's Petals on Nov. 30 and Dec. 7!!!!! Happy Thanksgiving and HANG ON TIGHT to the REAL reasons for the season!!!!

"Guadalupe" detail, mixed media on board, 2010

Remember, it IS a WONDERFUL life!

Ashley

Taking Christmas Back, part 1

2010-11-06T06:19:00.000-07:00

The jack-o-lanterns have left the building and the costumes have been shoved to the back of the closet. The first leaves are starting to fall, we gain an hour this weekend and they say next Tuesday it will be 80 degrees -- Oh! Must be time for Christmas!!! Never mind that we have not celebrated Veteran's day OR Thanksgiving yet. We all know the Christmas hub-bub starts earlier and earlier every year, but, it doesn't mean we have to allow the spirit to be taken from us through relentless advertising and product placement every where we turn.

Love you, Santa, but WE ARE NOT READY!!!!

Every year our church hosts the Global Village Market -- we call it "GVM". This is an amazing opportunity to shop for holiday gifts from over 20 local and global charities as well as fair trade items, all in one place!

Every year, we spend the entire weekend at this event eating PIE, hotdogs and treats, all lovingly prepared by "Greenland Hills-ians." We visit with our church family as well as with neighbors and friends. We meet amazing people from all over the world who come to represent their callings. They inspire us as they change the world. They make us want to do the same.

Now today, there are a lot of things going on for me. For one, I have strep for the second time in three weeks. How this happens, I have no idea, but I have a feeling it has to do with one of the kids having it after I did and maybe, just maybe, not getting enough rest. So I am on a nasty antibiotic, but I WILL not let that get in the way of my pie enjoyment, even if it means I shouldn't do too much hugging. The other thing happening is that Kylie is at a big choir competition for her middle school, so I am keeping my fingers crossed they do well and I wish so much I could be there to see it. Kylie is also blessed to be attending her first Bat Mitzvah for a precious friend this evening and she is on cloud nine about it. Additionally, I am PRAYING for our beloved TCU Hornedfrogs to BEAT Utah at College Game Day today. The game is in Utah and apparently is NOT on TV (ESPN, what is your problem???) so I will be wearing my purple today and praying hard for a victory for Patterson and the team. DARE we dream about Roses????

TCU beating the Utes last year, Fort Worth -- GO FROGS!!!

Back to GVM, This event makes me want to sing "Christmas is Coming," much more than the fruitcake fixings on every end cap at Tom Thumb. I can look forward to getting a LOT of my holiday shopping done today and get a jump on preserving the spirit of Christmas as well as my sanity. These amazing events are catching on at churches and other faith communities all over America, so you might want to check around near you.

Just a few of the charities or fair trade businesses present at the Greenland Hills UMC GVM today and tomorrow......

Proyecto Abrigo

Heifer International

Interfaith Housing Coalition

Ten Thousand Villages

Habitat for Humanity

Dwell with Dignity

Women for Women International (I'll be at this table most of the weekend, so come say hi!)

So come on out to East Dallas and Greenland Hills United Methodist Church (5835 Penrose Ave., 10-4 today, 11/6/10 and tomorrow, 12-3, 11/7/10) and help others and save your holiday spirit at the same time!!!

"Guadalupe," my donation to the GVM Silent Auction -- LOTS MORE

art, products and services up for auction TODAY!!! Come see!!

Peace and love,
Ashley

Am I crazy because I think G*D speaks to me on my iPhone?

2010-11-02T05:22:00.000-07:00

The last thing I have is time to write this, but something happened that I'm drawn to process and remember.

Even with a very full day yesterday and a lot to get done, I somehow ended up with the time to work my mind into a knot by confronting some unpleasant feelings and thought-processes mid-morning. I love most things about myself, I embrace or at least accept others, but there are some things I am "working on." The details aren't important, and it was all self-inflicted. Through no one's fault but my own, I found myself feeling like I was coming up short -- I felt inept about this, self-reproachful, and honestly, resentful.

"The Magdelene with the Smoking Flame," Georges de la Tour, 1625, Collection LACMA

We've been talking in the Zuzu's Petals Study on World Faiths about how G*d speaks to all of us in the language we will understand, and I know I've blogged about it a bit. Well, Someone very important was speaking my language yesterday.....

I love my iPhone and all of its aps and I love the convenience of having cel phones, even if I sometimes complain about the freedom they seem to steal. Additionally, I love Louise L. Hay. A few months ago I signed up for her free application on iPhone. This ap used to send me a Louise quote every few days, one at a time. However, I have not received one from it in a long time and had forgotten I had it.

Not having time to sit and stew, I tried to put my concerns aside and went about my day in what felt like a frenzy of activities and errands. My phone began acting up for some reason, freezing when a friend called and then shutting down for a while. Just when I thought I should probably take it to AT&T, it came back on and seemed just fine. I was walking out to my car to start the carpool routine when I heard "DING DING DING" and then another "DING DING DING," and then another and another. Well, that meant I had recieved a few rapid fire texts, but being in a hurry, and trying NOT to be a slave to my phone, I didn't look at them until I was parked and waiting at the school.

There they were, four texts from "Louise," but when I read the first one, I burst into tears. It said, "The more we dwell on what we don't want, the more we get it." Here I had been dwelling all day on myself and my flaws. The more I focused on the fact that I am not perfect and on the things I don't do well, the more I came to the incorrect conclusion that I am screwed up and further and further away from the me I know I really AM. As a result, this thinking had me scooting further and further away from G*d. Where was my faith and trust in Him? Why was I not asking for His peace?

Then, I read the others and each one had a pearl that seemed especially chosen for me...

"Choose your yes's with care." -- Is G*d telling me to slow down? Yes, lately I see that I say YES to too many things. I mostly say YES to things I want to do, but I know I need to be more discerning. I need to spend more time with the questions, rather than jumping to an unrealistic answer, even if it is heartfelt. I had an overwhelming feeling of being hugged.

"I release the past with ease and I trust the process of life." -- I have been melancholy about the past lately. Maybe it is the change in seasons this year, I am not sure, but the resentment I mentioned before stems directly from circumstances from the past. Things that cannot be changed. Things that haunt me today that I need to put to rest. The hair began to stand up on my arm. Isn't G*d working within the process of life? Even when it does not make sense? Doesn't G*d find a way to work good through it?

Then, finally, "We must become aware of what it is that we believe." -- Have I been ignoring my true beliefs? I believe that there is a magnificent and powerful yet caring Creator who goes to great and extravagant lengths to show us His love. I believe in my heart He knows and loves every single one of us deeply and without fail. I have faith in this very easily for you and for everyone else in the world, actually, but I sometimes have a hard time seeing it for myself. I know I should. I really WANT to. Could this awareness lead to a deeper connection with G*d for me?

Now this may all seem very silly to you....that G*d would take the time to talk to me....on my iPhone....via texts from Louise Hay. But I have a warm feeling in my chest just reliving it here. G*d reaches out to all of us in extravagant ways. How is He/She reaching out to you today?

DING DING DING!
Ashley

Boo are you?

2010-10-30T18:15:00.000-07:00

Jack-O-Lantern, 2010!!!

Halloween has always been my favorite holiday. Even as I kid, I prefered it to Christmas. Eating candy, enjoying cooler weather, playing tricks, being with friends, being scared, not having to worry about splitting the holiday between two families -- all make a dreamy combination as far as I'm concerned. However, the main reason I adore Halloween so much is the creativity -- the adventure of being someone or something else and even better, the adventure of seeing what everyone else decides to be!

Keira a few years ago at the GHUMC Pumpkin Patch

Brina Tignor's beautiful homage to el Dia de lost Muertos

Trunk or Treat, GHUMC, 2009

When I close my eyes and remember Halloweens past, I hear Seals and Croft's Summer Breeze (it was released in September of 1972, so must have been enjoying a ton of airplay that fall), I taste wax candy lips, and I smell the plastic and acetate of my Casper the Friendly Ghost costume.

Some years we bought our costumes and some years they were home-made. Anyone else out there go as Kiss with their siblings in 1978? That was a good one. One year I was a scarecrow and I made my costume myself. One year I was a Flamenco dancer (my grandmother had that one made for me of red and black taffeta and net -- wish I still had that one!). The year I went as Casper, my brother went as Woody Woodpecker. Not surprisingly, he lost the outfit part of his costume and was left with only the mask after some sort of incident involving our cousins and a lighter. That Halloween I remember a tearful little brother who had to wear his Woody mask with his big sister's red, yellow and blue Hee-Haw overalls. Not a pretty site.

I remember my mom and dad getting together with our Houston neighborhood to create a haunted house in my God-parents' garage. All of the grown-ups on the street dressed up with the kids, too. And then later, in Kingwood, I remember my dad and older step-sister setting up an elaborate system to leap out from behind trees at choreographed moments wearing Kiss masks to "surprise" trick-or-treaters.

We've enjoyed Halloween as adults, too, Brian and I, especially since having the girls. Our Halloween celebrations include at least a few occasions to dress up and we try to take full advantage. The past two years, Brian has wowed friends and revelers with his ideas, and now owns a reputation to live up to. Last year he wore a kilt and sporin while passing around Scotch and practicing his Scottish brogue. The year before that, he went as this fabulous friend of ours, Miss Brina -- Ma Bean -- and it was a awesome with a long red wig, black leggings and dress, cat-eye glasses, cowboy boots and Doc Martin mary-janes.

"Brina" and Brina

Our friends are immeasurably creative so they and their children come up with incredible ideas for Halloween. A few years back we attended for the first time an incredible Halloween tradition, the annual sausage and cabbage party at the Hilt's, and the party-goers' alter-egos that night have remained a part of who they are to me to this day. One good friend was Dora. Talk about a reputation for amazing costumes. Every year we wait with bated breath to see what this friend will concoct. One year it was Michael Phelps (his wife went as Michael's flag-waving, crying mother!) but this particular year (and in fact, the first time I ever met him) he was Dora the Explorer. He made his own costume with a black page-boy wig, pink t-shirt and orange shorts from Academy complete with a purple backpack. This was before you could buy much Dora paraphernalia, she was a new cultural entity. Another friend was Jerry Garcia and for a long time I didn't recognize him without a long curly wig and tye-dye shirt. Yet a third guy we hung out with that night was dressed as Ozzy Osbourne and it took me another two years to cement in my brain that Ozzy was actually Maury, one of our fave babysitter's dad. Last year, Miss Brina went as Frida Kahlo complete with unibrow and mustache -- and it has to be my favorite costume of all times. I can't wait to see what everyone comes up with this year.

As far as the Browns this year, Kylie is going as a red crayon, and Keira is going as a pink cat. I think Brian may trot out his outifit from a 70s party we recently atteneded (where he won an award for his look, btw) but what will I be? It could be a metaphor for where I am right now in life, actually, if I let it.

The Most Interesting Woman
In the World - Ms. Kahlo takes over
Miss Brina...

UGH that life question! Who am I???? I am a lot of things -- we all are -- but I keep setting myself on the thought train, "WHAT am I really doing for a CAREER?" I know that raising quality children up into quality adults is a very high calling as is maintaining a successful relationship and providing love and support to extended family and friends. I know that taking part in my faith community, volunteering to help others and giving time and resources to the kids' schools are all important aspects of who I am as well. But I can't help but put pressure on myself to do more. To do something that adds even more to my life as well as to the lives of my children and husband.

Through all this, I still get the message (from G*d?) to "be what you are." I have had several coincidental moments of late that have given me this same message and you know how I love those "G*d Winks." I so appreciate that I am getting a "be what you are," message so clearly from so many directions. However, I can only "be what I am" if I know what that is????

For now, instead of trying to figure that, maybe I'll just focus on what I am going to be for Halloween tomorrow. This will not involve a trip to the costume shop. In my closet right now I have a German beer girl, a vintage couture gown from the 60s, the pink chiffon dress my grandmother wore to my parent's wedding (tooth fairy?), a suit from my days at Tiffany's, pearls and a witch hat (hmmm, do you see a Christine O'Donnell look there?), my wedding gown, TONS of sports equipment belonging to Brian, my Aunt Becky's fox coat.... The possibilities are almost endless.

Thank you G*d for the many choices you set before us. Thank you G*d for the very fun, simple "problem" of what to be -- whether that is applied to Halloween or to this great big thing we call life. It is a blessing to be able to even ask that question....

Spooky, Happy and Safe Halloween!

Ashley

The Gospel According to Pretty in Pink?

2010-10-24T19:23:00.000-07:00

"You know, it's so insane that someone you've never met,

never talked to, can be your enemy."

Andie, Pretty in Pink, 1986

A few years back a really cool friend introduced the youth of our church to a lesson plan in Sunday school called, "The Gospels According to the Simpsons." I was unable to attend, but ever since, from time to time, I look for spiritual lessons within aspects of popular culture.

The other night I watched John Hughes' 1986 teen hit, "Pretty in Pink." I absolutely LOVED this film way back when, and it wasn't just for the soundtrack -- which is stellar. However, the only reason I began watching it recently was to relive it and see if it would be appropriate for our 12 year old daughter.

I tend to avoid things I loved in the 80's for some reason, but amazingly, it brought back a lot of good memories for me. I totally emulated Molly Ringwald's personal style as a kid. I was a redhead with full lips who enjoyed a quirky, vintage-inspired, Gogo-esque look. I never felt I appealed to the guys as well as my beautiful brunette and blonde friends did, and I assumed Molly was the same way.

I remember that I related to the characters in the film as closely as if I really knew them. I did not grow up a "have-not" among "haves" in the same way Molly's character Andie did. I actually grew up a "have" among "haves."

However, I was a "have not" in the sense that we lacked what I believed to be a normal family existence. We had divorce, illness, alcoholism, loss, sadness and abnormality (though NOT a lack of love) at home. I was deeply touched by the daughter missing her mother. I remember being embarrassed to have people over. I remember thinking, no one at school had it as weird as we did. I envied them for having, what seemed to me, normal lives. Normal parents that were alive, still married and went out of town a lot, leaving money for pizza and kegs. Remember, these were my teen perceptions.....

But, I digress. What, if any, are the spiritual -- or character building -- lessons that could be gleaned from "Pretty in Pink?" Well, the main character, Andie, is trying to build a bridge between two factions of society and she's being true to herself at the same time. No small feat and something we should all be doing, right? Then there's her little pal, Duckie played by Jon Cryer, who is in love with her even though the feelings are not returned. He even loves her enough to send her off with the other guy. Unconditional love -- something else we need to give and to receive in our lives. The wealthy boyfriend, Blane ("That's not a name, it's a major appliance!") played by Andrew McCarthy, reminds me a little of the Prodigal Son in that he has it all and even wins the gem that is Andie, but he throws it all away with her because he's too insecure to do the right thing. In the end, he comes back around and she forgives him and takes him back.

The other two characters that I love are Andie's dad (Harry Dean Stanton) and Andie's mentor/best friend, Iona (Annie Potts). The supporting casts in our real lives are often the most important when we look back, too, aren't they?

Andie's father continues to be so heartsick over his wife's departure (she abandoned the family some years earlier) that he's drinking too much, can't work and lets his child care for him like he's the child. I think he's a good example of how inefective we can be as parents but it isn't for a lack of love. Those of us who did not have perfect adults in our lives can look at Andie's dad and see that even though he is flawed and making mistakes, he really loves his daughter and wants the best for her. He isn't doing a bad job out of a lack of love, he's just unable to move away from his own suffering.

Andie's boss and mentor, Iona, will always be one of my favorite characters, in any media. She's over-the-top yet completely sincere and she provides Andie with a mother/daughter-like relationship even though she is obviously too young to be Andie's mom. She's the proverbial G*d's window -- opened after the door of Andie's mother's departure closed. Andie does not have her mom, but she has this terrific, more experienced friend who encourages her and provides emotional support and lots of laughs. She has the best lines, too. One of my favorites: "I know I'm old enough to be his mother, but when the Duck laid that kiss on me last night, I swear my thighs just went up in flames! He must practice on melons or something." (An aside: I have an Iona in my life -- you may have guessed, Miss Angie, my actress/artist friend with Shady Oaks and the Flying Mermaid Lagoon. She has definitely been a window of guidance, support and maternal example -- Thank you, G*d!!!).

The theme of the film is of course teen strife between the kids who seem to have it all and the kids with challenged lives, but the undercurrent through the whole thing is love. John Hughes passed away last year and I know thousands of people my age were so saddened as he was a big part of our formative years ("Ferris Bueller's Day Off," "16 Candles," "The Breakfast Club" to name a few). Another bit of serendipity, Annie Potts, Molly Ringwald and Jon Cryer got together earlier this month for a reunion of sorts. Watch a video clip here.

So next time you have the opportunity to watch, read or listen to something you loved as a kid, grab it. Then spend a little time finding the lessons you may have received back then, or possibly need to learn now....

I believe in YOU,
Ashley

"I think that somehow
Somewhere inside of us
We must be similar
If not the same
So I continue
To be wanting you
Left of center
Against the grain..."
- "Left of Center," Suzanne Vega with Joe Jackson, Pretty in Pink soundtrack, 1986

G*d Allows the Choices... Zuzu's Petals and JUDAISM

2010-10-20T14:04:00.000-07:00

“Caring about others, running the risk of feeling, and leaving an impact on people,

brings happiness” - Harold S. Kushner

"Ruth and Naomi," Ary Scheffer, oil on panel, c. 1870

Yesterday we got to spend a little time with Judaism in our whirl-wind study of world faiths in Zuzu's Petals. As a Christian, I know that my faith would not exist without my parent faith, Judaism, and I feel only respect, awe and warmth towards this community. This lesson was cozy and comfortable for all of us, as everyone in the group has personal ties to this faith through friendship or family.

In preparing for this week, I spent a lot of time reading and one of the books that helped me the most and that I have truly enjoyed is Harold S. Kushner's "To Life." Many of you have likely read Rabbi Kushner's book, "When Bad Things Happen to Good People," and if you haven't then get to a library, or your best-friend's bookshelf, IMMEDIATELY and read it, cover to cover. It will change/save your life!

I have also been continued to read Huston Smith, most notably his, "World Religions," and through Kushner and Huston, I have better understood the concept of the Jews being a CHOSEN people. This concept never bothered me before to tell you the truth, but apparently it does cause some consternation for some people. Huston and Kushner's writings have shown me that the Jews are a Chosen people not only because G*d loves them so much -- He/She does by the way -- but also because they have been Chosen to teach the rest of us how to live, in the good times and unfortunately, in the bad times as well. They are living by example for themselves, for their community but also for the world at large.

The truth for me is simple. G*d allows an unmeasurable amount of choices when it comes to peoples of faith. Like we learned early in this study, G*d speaks to ALL of G*d's peoples in the language they will understand the best. Many of us are thrilled to know this, but many are not. It seems that peace in our world will only be possible when we realize that G*d reaches out to ALL of us -- no matter what our faith may be. Now, we just need to CHOOSE to listen.

"Ruth Gleaning," Marc Chagall, 1960

Shalom,

Ashley

FINALLY Awake and Smelling the Coffee!

2010-10-08T07:37:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had a moment where you realize a truth that was right before you, but you either were not ready to see it or it had not been revealed to you? Suddenly, you can see it and you are so thankful! And yet, you kick yourself for not seeing it sooner. You might even mistakenly blame others for keeping this truth from you.

It is this way for me and the faith of Islam. I woke up to smell the coffee!!!! This week in Zuzu's Petals we got to Islam in our all-too-hasty series "Christianity and World Religions with Adam Hamilton." One of the Zuzu's, who is very involved in social justice and interfaith outreach, asked a dear friend of hers to come and speak to us about being a devout Muslim.

Our beautiful guest is a mother and wife as well as a PhD in her field. She is a force for peace in the world and we were beyond blessed that she agreed to come talk to us at the last minute. She amazingly attended BOTH of our sessions for the day, driving all the way from her home north of Dallas. She generously shared her beautiful spirit, her devotion to G*d, her experience as an American born in Palestine and raised in Lebanon, her joy and peace within Islam and her Jihad.

(If you do NOT understand the TRUE meaning of Jihad, you should STOP reading this now and go DIRECTLY to: What Does Jihad REALLY Mean? by Hassaballa & Helminski on BeliefNet.)

This eloquent and generous woman's Jihad involves building bridges between faiths to attain understanding, respect, harmony and most importantly, peace. I have to tell you that knowing that she is on the case has lowered my shoulders several inches! This dynamic, caring and devout person has inspired me beyond her original intentions and I know that any Zuzus who heard her must feel the same way. I am so thankful that now I have a Muslim friend who is also a Texan. It's like I get another chance to learn about Islam and be inspired in my own faith. Thank you, G*d!

Beautiful prayer rug and Qu'ran given to GHUMC by our Muslim guest in Zuzu's Petals.

I know I am not alone in that I have never held animosity toward Muslims. Brian and I have been fortunate to have Muslim friends in college and graduate school, though they were so modest and private about their beliefs, I kick myself now for not spending more time learning from them back then.

I also count myself among the millions of Americans who do NOT blame Islam for 9/11. I won't get into wars and politics here, but I am sure many of you agree with me that in all difficult world dynamics, there are guilty and innocent parties on BOTH sides. Truly, there are good and bad people in every nation, every faith, every community. I feel like many of you -- there are good Christians and bad Christians and the Islamic faith is no different.

However, I do think these problems can be solved and maybe some of the healing can happen here in Texas. I would be willing to bet you agree with me that as Americans, many of us have not taken the time and energy to appreciate, learn from and embrace the faith of Islam. But we should, because if we want to continue to be free of religious tyranny, we need to allow all faiths not only to be practiced but also honored and revered.

Many of us believe in the same G*d, too, and if we are Christian, Jew or Muslim, we come from the same family tree as well. One of the biggest things we all share, no matter what our faith, is a desire for peace and an end to war. Maybe if we start holding hands here in Texas, others might follow our example?

When my new Muslim friend came to Zuzu's I knew I would learn a lot about Islam. What I didn't know, was that it would make me a better Christian. My prayer life is nowhere near as consistent or as comfortably woven into my life as my Muslim friend. My knowledge of the Bible is sorely lacking in comparison to her knowledge of the Qu'ran AND the Bible. To be perfectly honest, I do not spend the time and energy WORSHIPPING my Creator the way my Muslims friend does. She has a very real grasp on the importance not only being thankful to G*d but of PRAISING Him. (She told us they have 99 names for G*d!)

In Sufi traditional art, the resplendent flower of theAsma'ul-Husna represents the blossoming heart

of a human being who is filled with the 99 names of God.

This is only a start and I've barely begun to know about this faith that is in such accord with my own. Did you know that Muslims, when speaking of Jesus, always follow his name with "Peace be Upon Him?" Did you know that Muslims pray five times a day and every time they pray, they pray for Christians and Jews? Did you know that the word "Islam" means "submission" and is derived from a word that means, "peace?"

There are so many sources for learning more, but here are a couple... While doing research I came upon this beautiful website, Free-Minds. Also, my new friend recommended several books for better understanding of Islam. One of them is The Message: A Translation of the Glorious Qu'ran and I just ordered a copy.

The first chapter of the Qu'ran is used in prayer, so I offer it here as translated in "The Message" mentioned above, though Muslims pray it in Arabic, no matter what their mother tongue is.

"In the name of God, the Almighty, the Merciful.
Praise be to God, Lord of the worlds.
The Almighty, the Merciful.
Sovereign of the Day of Judgement.
You alone we serve, and You alone we seek for help.
Guide us to the straight path.
The path of those You have blessed, not of those who have incurred the wrath, nor the misguided."

Glory be to my Lord Almighty. (Subhana rabbiyal adheem.)
Allahu akbar! (God is most great!)
-Ashley

From a Single Candle

2010-09-29T21:16:00.000-07:00

"Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,

and the life of the candle will not be shortened.

Happiness never decreases by being shared."

- The Buddha, previously known as Gautama Siddarta, 563-483 B.C.

This past Tuesday the Zuzu's Petals had another "speed date," this time with Buddhism. I can safely say that the morning and evening groups were BOTH rich with exploration and openness. I guess the subject just naturally lends itself to that. Once again, we enjoyed Rev. Adam Hamilton and yet, we found ourselves put off by some inaccuracies he presented (not to mention the dramatic candle snuffing -- not to our liking at all). Fortunately, in both sessions, we we blessed with people in attendance who had direct, intimate experience with Buddhism. They were able to inform us and lead us to a much better understanding. Like I keep saying, trying to get a good grasp of any particular religion in one week is tougher than a one-eared alley cat.

When I began to research this lesson I came upon a book I read about 12 years ago. It is one of the most beautiful and profound books on Buddhism and right living and I highly recommend it. It's called The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching by Thich Naht Hanh. I was thrilled to revisit it along with all of it's many dog-eared pages and notes in the margins. It made me remember why I have often felt a little bit Buddhist. It made me wonder how I could have stepped away from many of the things I learned at that time. The practice of staying in the moment. The practice of attempting freedom from judgement -- of the self as well as of others.

Being with the Zuzus this week as we spoke about, and asked questions about, Buddhism felt like heaven to me. Here is a group of people devoted to growing spiritually. Dedicated to helping each other grow along the way. And what a blessing that it happens at my church!

This past week has been slightly odd, in addition to all the wonder. It has been a week loaded with what could be seen as difficulties yet, because I spent time honoring Buddhism with the Zuzus, I have been able to view each chore, each interruption, each outburst from a pre-teen (and even the fender bender Monday) with an acceptance that I do not always possess.

The Buddha said, "To understand everything, is to forgive everything." Additionally, maybe to forgive everything, is to understand everything. This quote is not exactly like something Jesus said, but it is very close. Jesus said, "You will know the truth and the truth will set you free." (John 8:32).

Thank you, G*d, for allowing us access to truths, forgiveness and freedom through our own faith and through the beauty of others. -AMEN

Zuzus and Speed Dating with Faiths -- First Date, Hinduism

2010-09-22T17:44:00.000-07:00

Most likely you've read about the Zuzu's Petals funky women's Bible study and spirituality group I am involved with. This fall, the "Zuzus" of Zuzu's Petals are what can possibly be described as "speed dating" with each of the five major world religions: Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam, Judaism and Christianity. We are using a six-week series, "Adam Hamilton's Christianity and World Religions" as a jumping off point and we've quickly learned that we are RACING through our time each week (Tuesdays at GHUMC in East Dallas) left wanting MORE!

Each week, in addition to the Bible, we use prayers and scriptures from the faith we are looking at,
- view a brief DVD of Rev. Hamilton's sermon comparing each faith with Christianity,
- discuss and debate what he has told us,
- share and listen to the information we each bring to the table,
- ask questions and WONDER at the insights we are gaining....
We've met twice, and like I said, left both times wanting MORE! I think all of the Zuzu's would agree with me that 6 weeks won't be long enough to begin to understand even ONE of the big five.

Last week we had an introductory meeting so this week we "visited" our first faith -- HINDUISM.

What a beautiful religion -- ancient and profound with MANY facets and intricacies (I will probably say this each week)! I was in LOVE with the art before and now I appreciate it so much more. The acceptance and purity of love as well as the creativity and combination of Divine and Human -- well, it feels comfortable and familiar in many ways. I may get this wrong, but I think the Dalai Lama, in his book "Toward a True Kinship of Faiths: How the World's Religions Can Come Together," said something to the effect that Hindus are the most likely to accept and embrace other faiths because they know the validity of many paths to G*d....

Of course, there are many, many different sects within Hinduism and so much holy literature it would fill a huge library. Hinduism is the oldest world faith still practiced today, so it is rich with history. One day and we barely got started. To add to our experience, we hope to attend puja at a temple and possibly go to a festival -- maybe Diwale!!

The "Zuzus" meet in the morning and in the evening. I left BOTH groups yesterday with a strong peaceful energy, no doubt because the women who come are AMAZING! Each one possesses a beautiful, inner light, a clear, open mind and profound abilities to share and question in loving and supportive ways. I feel like I am sitting with the sages!

My makeshift Hindu altar -- wish I knew what I was doing, but it was created out of love and respect...

To borrow part of a comment from Rev. Hamilton, through the lens of other religions I can see better my own faith. In reference to Hinduism, even though the Rev. visited with a Hindu temple priest, I felt like he passed some judgement and either misunderstood, or misrepresented, some key facts about Hinduism. However, I was thankful he did this, as his attitude helped me (and others in the group) to embrace and fine-tune my OWN understandings and beliefs about living a good life, coming closer to G*d and more. I came away feeling a deep and profound respect and kinship with Hinduism.

I can't help but feel that is part of what G*d wants for us when we look at other faiths -- not tolerance, MORE than tolerance, acceptance and the knowledge that we are ALL moving towards our Creator, our Holy Parent.

Namaste!

Ashley

A prayer on the anniversary of 9/11...

2010-09-10T14:51:00.000-07:00

Healing, Loving G*D,

Tomorrow we will look back with sadness upon one of the most tragic events in American history. It seems that it was only yesterday that we felt such grief, sadness, horror, fear and pain as so many innocent lives were lost in the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. We remember with true awe and utmost honor the many acts of courage by ordinary people during the attacks and since. We have been continually inspired by the survivors who lost loved ones and we especially ask for comfort and peace for them at this difficult time. We join with them in grief and wish, L*rd, that you would allow us to burden their pain and sadness. Thank you for being with us through what was a very dark time in our lives and thank you for shining hope within us like a light since then. Please, G*d, place that light of hope and love within the hearts of those with misguided anger. Please heal their needless hate and fear of others. Help them to see that we are ALL created by You and that You love ALL of us. Help them to remember your Golden Rule, to live by it and to open themselves to the beauty of differences. Thank you for giving us anniversaries, even from such terrible events, as they remind us to cherish the freedoms we enjoy as Americans. Inspire us as a nation to be healers in the world at large and to share our many blessings with all populations, near and far.

Sweet, adoring G*d, please hear our prayer,

AMEN

Creating in Ernest

2010-09-08T09:38:00.000-07:00

"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down and bleed."

- Ernest Hemingway

Find these creative blocks at World Wide Fred..

Well, it's happened again. I am totally blocked. My creative juices are not flowing. I sit here at the computer and I can think of nothing to say. Yesterday, I lined up seven beautiful jars of paint, three new-old photographs, my favorite paper cement and nice clean brushes and again.... nothing. My inspiration is so low, I have run out of ideas for encouraging harmony between the kids and for whipping up something to feed the family -- hamburgers, second night in a row. Hmm. Here comes the age old question that has plagued artists, musicians, film-makers and writers for thousands of years - WHAT is the REMEDY for a CREATIVE RUT?????

This summer I read Ernest Hemingway's A Moveable Feast and I felt like I was reading a letter from a friend. Maybe everyone who reads this memoir of his time in Paris feels this way, but I really felt like he was talking to me.

Between the covers of every single one of Hemingway's stories, from his letters and lectures, he left us many, many gems. Here are just FOUR glittering jewels he left for use with annoying wrinkles in inspiration.... (He would probably not approve of that last sentence, btw, too many adjectives...)

1. "Develop a built-in bullsh-t detector."

He's not just talking about pricking up at the fallacies of others here, he's talking about the self. When I add something to a picture for the wrong reasons -- to hide a mistake, draw attention for the wrong reason or just to take up space I am too lazy to fill, it smacks of falsehood. Sure, sometimes there are happy accidents, but it is good to know the difference between multi-layered development and erroneous trickery due to fear of failure. Likewise, when I write something that feels overly worked and over thought, it comes across as a total sham. We've all read stuff like that. I have a HUGE file of it right here, hidden in un-posted blog entries. You know, when something feels pretentious or know-it-all? Yuck! I think Hemingway would agree with me here, that it is HUGELY important to avoid "malarkey" - that which we present to ourselves as well as that which others show us.

2. "Do not worry. You have always written before and you will write now. All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence you know."

I started doing this a couple of months ago, when I am standing in line somewhere or waiting for kids to get out of school. I put them in my "notes" app on my iPhone and I have collected quite a few. Here is an example: "The girl with the unfinished, homemade tattoo trickling down her leg, hunched over the sink and methodically washed her hands for 4 and a half minutes." This may or may not be a good sentence, but it is utterly true. I stood and watched her and timed her, too. The sentence doesn't have to be something you are going to use for anything, but somehow paying close attention seems to get the brain jump-started.

3. "I learned never to empty the well of my writing, but always to stop when there was still something there in the deep part of the well, and let it refill at night from the springs that fed it."

So when you DO have that creative flow rushing along, instead of bleeding it dry, quit while you are ahead. Stop working when you know what comes next. Go away from it for the day. When you go back, start where you left off. The idea will still be there, ready to go and it may have even improved in the time away. Also, it obliterates that dreadful blank-page-before-you-"WHERE to start?"-feeling.

"Restoration," ATB, 2008, (those are tiny nurses and nuns in her bouquet...)

4. "I still need more healthy rest in order to work at my best. My health is the main capital I have and I want to administer it intelligently."

Darn straight here, Ernest. My block of the last couple of days coincides with an utter tiredness. Like many of you, my life is crazy busy and there is a lot going on. I'm sleepy, I have not been eating well, I have only been to yoga once in the past few days, I have a lot on my plate and I put it there -- so there you go. If you don't take care of the machine, it can't put forth the product. Like Louise L. Hay says, "If you don't eat right and you don't know how to take care of your body, you're not going to have the energy to do anything wonderful."

So thank you, dear Mr. Hemingway. I hope this finds you enjoying many heavenly adventures in deep sea fishing, bullfighting and the chasing of beautiful women. Thank you also for your many masterpieces, for suffering blocks and for generously sharing your insights so the rest of us creative types could learn from you.

Thank YOU, Father-Mother-G*D, for creating us to create.

I doubt You had even a tiny pothole in Your vision during your Great Creation, and yet, You provide us ABUNDANT renewal to our inspiration

through Your many blessings, through Your grace and care for us.

Thank You for blessing us with blocks we can use to grow.

Help us to use them to build something in Your Glory.

Amen.

Zuzu's Petals - Exploring World Faiths and More...

2010-08-24T18:18:00.000-07:00

Sometimes spiritual paths just present themselves right before us. Other times, we have to seek them out. A few years ago, I was ready to go down a new path and was fortunate to have a beautiful group of women to accompany me. These women are my guideposts, as well as guideposts to one another. The cast of characters shifts and changes from time to time. We learn WITH each other, we learn FROM each other and we share experiences in spiritual growth.

I'm talking about the "Zuzu's Petals." The Zuzu's Petals are the women in an amazing Bible study and spirituality group I am blessed to shepherd. After a summer break, it is starting up again September 14! I'm so excited and I can't wait!

I invited the Zuzu's mailing list to view further details of our fall class here, so welcome to my blog if you haven't been here before and thank you for reading!

My beautiful friend (& artist) Michelle Stroescu and I got Zuzu's Petals rolling a few years ago....

This dynamic and ever-changing group meets most Tuesdays at Greenland Hills United Methodist Church, 5835 Penrose Ave., Dallas, TX, 75206. Zuzu's Petals came about in 2006, when a group of open-minded, open-hearted women began meeting in hopes of growing closer to G*d. We base ourselves in acceptance and free-thinking. The name, Zuzu's Petals, comes from the film It's a Wonderful Life and is symbolic of the many blessings we receive as a result of caring for others.

In the many weeks we've been meeting we've used, and learned from, works by Sue Monk Kidd, Becca Stevens, Renita Weems and Barbara Brown Taylor to name a few. We did a video series with Rob Bell ("Nooma") and we've had field trips, guest speakers and special events, most recently taking part in a breathing circle with Jane Baldwin of Pranasalara (Jane's, "Musings of a Divine Amnesiac"). This Bible study and spiritual exploration tends to be topical rather than chronological and topics have included prayer, forgiveness, grief and more.

Zuzu's Petals walking a labyrinth at First United Methodist, downtown Dallas

Sept. 14, 2010, we will begin our fall "semester." We will meet every Tuesday from Sept. 14-Dec. 7, except for Nov. 23 (Thanksgiving break). Two times are available and switching back and forth between the two is welcome and fine. We have morning from 9:30-11 a.m. or evening from 7:30-9 p.m. Childcare is available for the evening session.

I'm so excited about our first 6 weeks, "Adam Hamilton's Christianity and World Religions: Wrestling with Questions People Ask." A few "Zuzu's" have been asking for more on world faiths for quite some time. Pastor Marti Soper suggested this study, it was utilized by the youth a few years ago, and it looks like it will provide important information as well as inspiration.

Focussing on four major world religions, each session starts with a short video of Rev. Hamilton interviewing a religious leader from different traditions: Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam and Judaism, followed by exploration of the beliefs of each and comparison with those of Christianity.

SCHEDULE FOR THE FIRST 6 WEEKS of FALL, 2010

Sept. 14 - "Questions People Ask - Building bridges by learning about each other."

Sept. 21 - "Hinduism"

Sept. 28 - "Buddhism"

Oct. 5 - "Islam"

Oct. 12 - "Judaism"

Oct. 19 - "Christianity"

There will be seven more weeks of Zuzu's after this series ends and we haven't decided what we will do yet. PLEASE share your ideas! It may be that we want to spend more time looking at world faiths, or do something completely different...

There is a participant book for the Adam Hamilton series. (If you want to go without it, or share, that is fine). You can find it online at Amazon or Cokesbury but this series has been out for a few years, so you might luck out at Half-Price Books.

Attendance at Zuzu's Petals is always a relaxed thing. There is enough pressure in the world without adding pressure to spiritual time. Please contact me with any questions or concerns, ashleytbrown@sbcglobal.net.

Now, take a deep breath and think back to that path that is presenting itself to you, wether it is Zuzu's Petals or something else -- something new and exciting, risky and different.... What is keeping you from accepting it's holy invitation? I am not just talking about Bible studies and church services here, I am talking about any beautiful, heartfelt, exciting spiritual journey that has been presented to you. Go ahead! Take a step down the path -- you will not be alone!

Namaste,
Shalom,
Assalamu alaikum,
Peace,
Ashley

Butterflies and New Shoes

2010-08-22T21:21:00.000-07:00

It's time for school to start again tomorrow. New school supplies give rise to new beginnings. Sturdy shoes have been purchased, first day outfits have been chosen, alarm clocks set. Many of us will be up early for a hearty breakfast and a photo session before heading off for a brand new year of learning....

I can't help but think about the children in our world who are unable to receive this amazing gift -- an education. This is not to say the system we have here (in Dallas) is not without its flaws, but I have to admit, I take for granted that our two children will always have teachers waiting for them, classrooms to congregate in and learning materials at the ready.

Do you remember the night before a new school year? Do you remember having butterflies in your belly wondering about your teachers and the other kids, agonizing over a carefully thought out "look" for the next day and dreaming of the exciting possibilities in class, in extracurricular activities or on the playing field? Back to School -- such an ordinary phrase.....

Sadly, tomorrow morning, 75 million children around the world will NOT be walking into a school building with a backpack and a sack lunch, readying themselves for an education. According to the Global Campaign for Education a third of all children not attending school cannot go due to a disability, 60% of the children out of school are girls, nearly 250 million children have to work and therefore cannot always attend school and half of the world's out of school children live in communities where the language used at school is different from that used at home. It's staggering to think about. Even more shocking is the fact that 18 billion more teachers are needed by the year 2015 in order to educate all of the world's children by that date.

I pray that one day, all children have butterflies in their stomaches and new shoes. I pray that one day, every nation will not only allow education, but support it with fairness, equality, care and deliberation. I pray that those of us with access to learning will be thankful for it, taking advantage of all that is offered to us, doing our best with what we have and honoring the educators who sacrifice quite a lot to teach us and our children. I pray that one day very soon all people will read and write and better their lives and be experts in the subjects they love. I pray that all children can look forward to the bells -- bells waking them for school and bells calling them to the classroom. Please G*d, for the children, help us give them what they need.....18 billion teachers and then some.

AMEN.